SAC: A Man

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Chronicles
Starring Jeffrey Rath as OG Loc
Normski as Shopkeepour
Max Gill as Fyllour
Catherine Bailey as Michelle
Chris Bellard as CJ
Nate Richert as Harvey Kinkle
Mike as Mike

K-DST:
"Rock Bottom" by UFO
"At War with the World" by Foreigner
"Breakdown" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"The Night Before" by The Beatles
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
"Young Americans" by David Bowie
"What's Your Name" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
"You Got Me Floatin'" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
"Fool for Your Loving '80" by Whitesnake
"Peace Frog" by The Doors
"Cryin'" by Aerosmith
"Stop Messin' 'round" by Fleetwood Mac
"Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting" by Elton John
"King of the Mountain Cometh" by T.Rex
"Beware of Darkness" by George Harrison
"Bicycle Race" by Queen
"Don't Let it End" by Styx
"Jet" by Paul McCartney and Wings
"Contact" by The Police
"Mony Mony" by Billy Idol

Radio X:
"Drain You" by Nirvana
"Ain't Nothin' to Do" by Green River
"Married with Children" by Oasis
"Skin O' My Teeth" by Megadeth
"How do You?" by Radiohead
"Nightrain" by Guns N' Roses
"Dissident" by Pearl Jam
"Sting Me" by Black Crowes
"Lightning Strikes" by Ozzy Osbourne
"Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.
"Sticky Side Up" by Steelheart
"Rain When I Die" by Alice in Chains
"Funky Monks" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"I Hate Myself for Lovin' You" by Joan Jett
"Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins
"From Here to Eternity" by Iron Maiden
"Hate the Police" by Mudhoney
"Know Your Enemy" by Rage Against the Machine
"Always on the Run" by Lenny Kravitz
"A Lil' Ain't Enough" by David Lee Roth

Quite-Good.FM:
"Imagine" by John Lennon
"The Unforgiven" by Metallica
"Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Diana Ross
"Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin
"Don't Stop -- Extended Mix" by Nickwood Mac
"Fireball" by Deep Purple
"It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion
"Brass in Pocket" by The Pretenders
"Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush
"Eruption -- Live" by Van Halen
"Let's Stick Together" by Brian Ferry
"2112" by Rush
"You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC
"Follow You, Follow Me" by Genesis
"Madhouse" by Anthrax
"One Way or Another" by Blondie
"Up the Junction" by Squeeze
"Prison Sex" by Tool
"Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth

The main theme of the game is Haddaway's "What is Love". After each successful mission, the song up until the first "no more" plays.

WEAPONS:

Slot one (hands):
Fists
Novelty boxing glove

Slot two (melee):
Katana
Cricket bat
Knife
Spoon
Crowbar
Baguette
Oscillating fan
Keyblade
Lightsabre

Slot three (thrown):
Fragmentation grenade
Incendiary grenade
Flash grenade
Satchel charge
Tear gas
Smoke grenade
Denver Post bomb

Slot four (handguns):
9mm pistol
Desert eagle
.357 magnum
Tranquiliser

Slot five (shotguns):
Chromed shotgun
Semi-automatic shotgun
Silenced shotgun
Scoped shotgun

Slot six (SMGs):
Tec-9
Micro SMG
MP5
PEZ uzi

Slot seven (assault rifles):
Tommy gun
AK-47
M4
Sleeping pill rifle

Slot eight (sniper rifles):
Bolt-action rifle
M1 Garrand
PSG-1
Scoped squirt gun

Slot nine (heavy weapons):
RPG-7
Semi-automatic minigun
Railgun
M-388 Davy Crockett
Homing lamp
Shoe

Slot ten (Pokemon):
Poliwrath
Venusaur
Pikachu
Snorlax
Gyarados
Aerodactyl
Espeon

Slot eleven (Yugioh cards):
Dark Magician
Gaia the Fierce Knight
Curse of Dragon
Celtic Guardian
Summoned Skull
Buster Blader
Breaker the Magical Warrior

Slot twelve (backpacks):
Parachute
Tower-climbing gear
Pokegear

Slot thirteen (eyewear):
Night-vision goggles
Thermal goggles
Sunglasses
Goggles
Beer goggles

Slot fourteen (gifts):
Flowers
Steelheart CD
Washington Post
Harlequin foetus
Hookshot

All money, weapons, clothing and respect is importable from SAS

Mission 001: Subterranian Homesick Blues - Contact: N/A - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Michelle
OG Loc's first job as a member of the FBI is to rescue Steelheart from the clutches of the evil Doctour Jeremiah. Loc sneaks into his base, and finds that Steelheart are gone! In their place is Good Charlotte! Gerard Way gives Loc a note saying "Gary was here; Loc is a loser!"! Loc crushes the note in his fist and swears revenge on Fred forever. Loc escorts Good Charlotte out of the base and back to America safely. The directour of the CIA then kicks Loc out of the NSA, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc then flies back to San Andreas, and visits Michelle. Craig welcomes him in, and Mitchell says Michelle is upstairs. Loc tells Michelle what happened, and Michelle takes away all of Loc's weapons, money and respect! Michelle's then like "take me home".

Mission 002: Freedom Towour - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Craig welcomes Loc inside for some tea. Just as Loc is about to sit down, Herbert tells him to go check on his homies. Loc crawls through the sewours, and pops out of Ryder's toilet! Ryder's like "BUSTA", and he and Loc go to see CJ at Groove Towour at the end of Groove Street. Loc goes inside, and checks with the receptionist. Unfortunately, CJ is in a meeting! Loc makes an appointment, and exits the towour. Just after Loc exits, a plane flies into the side of Groove Towour! CJ does a barrel roll, and tucks The Sweet into bed. CJ looks at Loc with a fire in his eyes; a single tear streams down his cheek. CJ says to Loc, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and walks off. Loc slumps to the ground, a single tear streaming down his cheek. All Loc has ever wanted was CJ approval. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 003: 1993/06/11 - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect + - Contact: Private Investigatour
Loc gets to CJ's house, and wonders why it's so fucking dark. All of a sudden, all of Loc's friends pop out and yell "necrophelia"! It's Loc's birthday! A single tear streams down Loc's face, and he says "you guys are the best". Suddenly, Michelle pops out of Loc's giant cake! Loc's eyes fill with tears, and he runs to his room, crying. Loc holds a funeral and wake for his departed cake, and then punches Dominic in the anal for destroying his cake. After the wake, Shopkeepour's brothour, Private Investigatour, approaches Loc and says that with Loc's help, he would like to find the devious criminal mastourmind who destroyed Loc's cake. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 004: Has - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, hand costume, Binco, Suburban and ProLaps open
CJ takes Loc clothes shopping! Loc goes into the changing room, and Loki steals all the clothes! Wearing nothing but a bikini, Loc chases Loki, on foot, across Los Santos to Verona Beach, where Loki gets into a go-kart! Loc gets into a moving truck, but it's posessed by Rotom! Rotom flings Loc into a black hole, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and Loc reappears on Groove Sreet, wearing a hand costume. Loc swears revenge on Jaqueline, then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 005: Live at Leads - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +
Private Investigatour has a lead on the men who raped Loc's daughtour. Loc and Private Investigatour drive to the house where the rapists are held up, when suddenly, the rapist's cousins leap out the fiftieth-storey window! The cousins hop into a Super GT, and Loc and Private Investigatour get into the Private Investigatourmobile, and drive around Los Santos until the find a raising bridge! Loc ramps over the bridge, falling in a vat of acid! The cousins crash into the bridge and die. Loc must save Dennis, who is dying of food poisoning, by swimming to shore. Dennis then says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 006: With the It - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +
Private Investigatour wants Loc to get some exercise, as he's embarassing to be seen with. The two bike to central park, where they find a guy wearing a badge that says "I killed Loc's fathour". Loc blasts that fool, but it was a decoy! The real murdourour hops onto a bike, and Loc must follow! Private Investigatour rigs Chase with a bomb, and chases the murdourour to an intersection, where Private Investigatour plows into him with a combine harvestour. The murdourour lies in the street, bleeding. Loc takes out his nine, and asks if he has any last words. The murdourour says "just one: teehee". His face melts away and reveals Loki! Loki runs away, and so Loc swears revenge on Keith. Loc flies a plane into the towour where Keith works. Keith, with his dying breath, says to Loc "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 007: Hop the Fuck In - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Shopkeepour
Private Investigatour knows a guy who can help find out who stole Loc's autographed glow-in-the-dark harlequin foetus. He and Loc drive to the carnival on the pier, and meet up with Chief Wiggum and Ralph. The four get in the car, and Loc remembers its tyres are missing! Loc runs to Groove Street to get tyres from Shopkeepour's tyre shop, and runs back to the pier. When he gets back, the car is gone, and Michael Matijevic hands Loc a note, saying "Gary was here; Loc is a loser!". Also, the Rifa have blockaded the end of the pier. Loc hops on a faggio, and jumps the fuck out of that blockade! Unfortunately, Loc left his blockade-jumping license in the car! The police chase Loc on his faggio all the way to Groove Street, where Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 008: Fromage - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, $12
Shopkeepour needs custoumours for his diseased anal shop. He enters Loc in a lowrider race where the first prize is custoumours, which Loc then proceeds to win. After the victory, Loc is greeted by the Prince of Wales. The Prince of Wales says "hey I like your skills here's my numbour; if you're ever in San Fierro give me a call". After the exchange, Loc must get to Burgour Shot before the bomb detonates! Upon Loc's arrival, Shopkeepour takes the prize, and thanks Loc for winning the signed Cinderella CD, and gives him $12 for his troubles. Jack turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes. He says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and storms off. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 009: Romantic Sunset - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, hot dog costume, harlequin foetus, Ammunation opens
Loc walks into Shopkeepour's shop, and is like "yo Shopkeepour", at which point Shopkeepour knocks Loc unconcious with a Steelheart CD, puts him in a giant hot dog costume, and throws him in the back of his truck. Loc wakes up at Ammunation, where he must score over 9,000 points in target practice with harlequin foetii! After accomplishing this, Clem walks up to Loc with anguish in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Clem then runs off crying, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 010: Makin' the Day Great - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, Shopkeepour's Super GT spawns at CJ's house
Shopkeepour and Loc are arguing about who the best Megadeth guitarist is. Loc says Christ Poland, while Shopkeepour says Chris Broderick. Shopkeepour storms out of the shop, crying. Loc calls CJ, and tells him to find Shopkeepour. CJ gets into a Dodo and flies around Los Santos giving contradictory clues as to the location of Shopkeepour. Eventually, Loc finds Shopkeepour. Loc caresses Shopkeepour's car, and the two hold hands and skip through a field of flowers. Gerald Ford turns to Loc and sighs, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Fyllour then steps out from behind the curtain and says "Loc, I'm pregnant", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 011: Oh Fuck Oh Fuck - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, silenced shotgun
Loc gets his chocolate in Shopkeepour's peanut buttour! The pair go to Fyllour's house, as he is working on a chocolate-peanut buttour-separatour machine. However, to complete the machine, Fyllour needs a kickstand for his car. Loc kayaks to Boston, and sneaks into the Boston Museum of Science. Loc is careful not to wake up Fyllour, or else he will call the police. Loc sneaks into the dinosaur exhibit and steals an egg. Loc flies back to Fyllour, and the egg hatches into Steven Tyler! Steven Tyler says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 012: Morals and Ethics - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Shopkeepour's rivals are having a meeting somewhere in Los Santos! Shopkeepour gives Loc the rival-trackour, and Loc must fly around until he finds the red blip on his rival-trackour's radar! When he finds it, however, it's moving! Shopkeepour's rivals are in a trailer being towed by a Super GT! Loc flies his plane into a tower, then parachutes into the driver's seat of the Super GT. Loc then drives the Super GT to the pier while being chased by the Prince of Wales, where he bails out before it hits the water! CJ then calls Loc, saying "yo, Loc! Important shit happening in the Groove!". Loc goes to CJ's house, and CJ's like "hi". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 013: Adventure! - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Poliwrath, harlequin foetus, Catalina's safehouse
CJ has recieved word of a drug dealer convention in Las Colinas! Loc drives CJ to the convention, but the gate is guarded! CJ gives Loc a Poliwrath, and Loc hops on a bicycle and ramps over the gate! Loc throws Poliwrath into the crowd, but the head drug dealer, Francis, sends out Tropius! Loc recalls Poliwrath and starts throwing harlequin foetus at the dealers! CJ walks into the convention centre with TNT strapped to his chest. A single tear streams down his cheek, and he detonates the TNT, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". All the dealers are killed in the explosion, but more arrive in minivans! Loc and CJ hop into a Super GT, and escape to Catalina's old safehouse in the country. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 014: Imaginationland - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Steelheart CD
CJ and Loc are in the den, playing cards, when suddenly, a portal to Imaginationland opens! CJ and Loc are sucked in, and must find the leader, Jaspour! However, to get to Jaspour, CJ and Loc must fight off waves of rabid children with only a Steelheart CD! Eventually, the two find Jaspour, and take him at Steelheart CDpoint to the portal. Jaspour opens the portal, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty; oh won't you please take me home".

Mission 015: The Truck of Destiny - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, crowbar
CJ informs Loc that he accidentally dropped his can of carbonated post-industrial groove in central park earlier, and feels guilty. Suddenly, the military surrounds CJ's house! Loc climbs to the roof with a crowbar, and he must clear a path for CJ, as he goes to get Fyllour's help! Loc must then clear another path back through the military for CJ and Fyllour, as CJ forgot his jacket! They get the jacket, then get into the Hydra on the roof and fly away. Loc destroys fifty enemy Hydras while Gerald is constantly changing the radio station! Then Fyllour is like "I think that was the last of them, Loc", and CJ glares at Loc with a fire in his eyes, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". CJ chucks a Steelheart CD at Loc's head, causing him to fall out of the Hydra, and crash through the roof of Burgour Shot! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 016: Sometimes You Can't Yell - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $25, Foetusmart opens
CJ wants to put Loc on the path to becoming an Official Rock God! He has entered Loc into a unicycle race, however, the city is rioting over the outrageous prices at Foetusmart! Loc wins the race, and wins his Honourary Rock God certificate! The Prince of Wales hands Loc the trophy, and Loc reads the engraving, which reads: "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 017: Shiny Happy People - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +
CJ has invented a cereal and milk-separatour machine! Loc uses the device to travel back to 1987, the year Brian died. Loc shoots the tyres off the Shit Car about to run Brian over, but the driver pulls out an SMG! He points the SMG at Loc, and Loc fires his nine at the driver, killing him instantly. The SMG bullet hits Loc's nine, sending it flying into Brian's hands. Brian points the gun up at his chin, a single tear streaming down his face, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Brian pulls the trigger, killing himself instantly. Loc is ejected from the timestream. CJ sees the anguish in Loc's eyes, and walks away, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc walks to Brian's grave, and reads the inscription, which reads: "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc collapses to the ground, tears streaming down his face. Michelle walks over to Loc, puts her hand on his shoulder, and says "take me home".

Mission 018: Not the Vines - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, novelty boxing glove, Contact: Mike
CJ wants to steal the Vinewood sign! Loc goes to central park to find the winch of stealing-the-Vinewood sign; Loc then runs to the Vinewood sign, and uses the winch of stealing-the-Vinewood sign to get the Vinewood sign into the back of Mike's truck. However, as Mike speeds away, Kaiba Corp try to jump on the back of the truck! Loc takes out his novelty boxing glove to punch Kaiba Corp off the truck! After ten minutes of chase, Kaiba Corp gives up, but Loc remembers they have Gus hostage! Loc flies a plane into Kaiba Corp Towour, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 019: Broken Vows - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, harlequin foetus, Sears opens, Dodo spawns at CJ's house
CJ wants to take his new Dodo for a spin, but the military starts chasing him in Hydras! Loc goes to the top of Cluckin' Bell, and grabs a minigun. He chucks it at the nearest Hydra, and the pilot lands next to Loc and says "why you do this", and Loc hops into the Hydra, chucking harlequin foetus at the pilot. Loc flies into Sears Tower, at which point CJ lands next to Loc and says "take me home". Then Michelle's like "wish I were with you, but I couldn't stay; every direction leads me away; pray for tomorrow, but for today, all I want is to be home".

Mission 020: Chimes - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Fyllour
Mike wants to steal the Statue of Liberty! However, it is encased in plastic wrap! Loc goes to Fyllour's and asks if he still has his old un-encasing machine. Fyllour says "I sold it to buy food for me". He gives Loc the Guy-I-Sold-The-Un-Encasing Machine-To Trackour, and Loc uses it to find the guy who bought the un-encasing machine. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and follows a series of radar blips to find the guy's hideout. Loc storms the hideout, guns blazing, and finds that Mike bought the un-encasing machine! Mike thanks Loc, and then Michelle's like "Loc, you've been great, really. I want to make it up to you by taking YOU home". Loc's like "really?!". Michelle's like "no", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 021: BUTTS - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, $28
Mike tells Loc to sit down, and gives him the written test. However, Loc hadn't studied beforehand! Loc's like "hey Mike", and Mike's like "what", and Loc's like "look over there". Mike looks, and Loc uses this opportunity to escape! Loc hops onto Mike's Faggio, and hotwires it, speeding off into the distance! Mike hops into Loc's Super GT, and tries to ram Loc off the road! Loc hits the turbo and blasts off into space! Mike grows wings and follows Loc, who jumps off Mike's Faggio and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Then Michelle's like "mama take me home sweet home; I was the last child; just a punk in the street; hooooooooooooooooome sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet hoooome-ah".

Mission 022: Help! - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +
Loc goes to Mike's house, and Mike's like "(help!) I need somebody (help!) not just anybody (help!) you know I need someone (help!) When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way; help me get my feet back on the ground; oh won't you please, PLEASE help me? And now my life has changed in oh-so many ways; my independance seems to vanish in a haze. Help me get my feet back on the ground; oh, won't you please, PLEASE help me? Help me, help me, ooh". Then Loc's like "what do you need help with", and Mike's like "I can't open this jar of onions". Loc opens the jar of onions, and Michelle's like "I'm on my way; just set me free; home sweet home".

Mission 023: Oh, Crumbs, Chief - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +
Someone has stolen Mike's jar of onions! Loc vows then and there that he will not rest, he will not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostriled man is brought to justice. But first he decides to buy some donuts. So he gets in his car and drives to the donut shop and he walks on up to the guy behind the counter and he's like "yeah what do you want", and Loc's like "do you got any glazed donuts" and he's like "no we're out of glazed donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any jelly donuts" and he's like "no we're out of jelly donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any Bavarian creme-filled donuts" and he's like "no we're out of Bavarian creme-filled donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any cinnamon rolls" and he's like "no we're out of cinnamon rolls", and Loc's like "well, do you got any apple fritters" and he's like "no we're out of apple fritters", so Loc says "DO YOU HAVE ANY BEAR CLAWS", and the guy's like "wait a minute, I'll go check". "NO, WE'RE OUT OF BEAR CLAWS". Loc says "well, in that case... in that case what DO you have?!" He says "all I've got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels". And Loc's like "okay, I'll take that". So he hands Loc the box and Loc opens up the lid and the weasels jump out, and they immediately latch onto his face and start bitin' him all over! Man, they were just going nuts! They were just tearing Loc apart! It was around this time that a little ditty started going through Loc's head. It went a little something like this: "AAAAAAAAAAAH GET 'EM OFF ME GET 'EM OFF ME AAAAAAAAAH NO, GET 'EM OFF, GET 'EM OFF, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH GET 'EM OFF ME, OH MY GOD, AAAAAAAAAH". He ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels on his face, wavin' his arms around and just runnin' and runnin' and runnin' like a constipated weiner dog! And as luck would have it, that's exactly when Loc met the girl of his dreams; her name was Michelle. She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair that was a dark brownish colour I don't know fuck. Loc will never forget the first words she said to him, she said "take me home".

Mission 024: Flying Dog - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, $500
Mike and Loc want to win the heart of Cindy, so they go to the bar. Paul Gilbert's there, and is like "I only like guys who win the-rap competitioun". Loc and Mike compete against eachother to win the-rap comepitioun. Loc must score over 1,000,000 points with his rhymes (using the Official San Andreas Chronicles Microphone, sold seperately, batteries not included). Afterward, Loc rushes up to Paul Gilbert, fsjaling. Paul Gilbert scornfully turns to Loc, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Paul Gilbert hops into Mike's arms, and they drive off into the sunset. Then Michelle's like "sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue; sweet home Alabama, lord I'm comin' home to you; oh, take me home".

Mission 025: Giant Life - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, WAL*MART opens
Fyllour wants to open the gates of hell, so he sends Loc to Pizza Hut to pick up some breadsticks. Loc hops into his Super GT and drives to WAL*MART to get the rubbing alcohol. However, the enployees at Target say they're out of staple guns. Loc tempts them with gravity itself. The man's like "sir i don't think this is appropriate", so Loc throws in a gel pen keychain. The man starts sweating, but politely declines. Loc re-ups the ante with a potato chip, which proves to be too much temptation for the man. He gives Loc FARMER JOE'S NEW TOY, EIFION™, and Loc runs out the door. Loc hops into his Super GT, but his clothes spontaneously combust, causing the nitro in the car to become stuck in the "ON" position! Loc must drive carefully with the nitrous fully activated to avoid spilling any sunflower seeds out of the crate on the roof of the car! Halfway to Fyllour's house, a gang of clowns attempts to steal the cotton candy on Loc's roof! Loc must slap them with a rubbour chiquen while driving and attempting to stay in a position where his indecency will not show! Loc returns to Fyllour with the hedge clyppours, and then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 026: What is This I Don't Even - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, hamburger costume
Loc walks into Fyllour's house. It's dark. Loc's like "hello", and something knocks him unconcious! Loc wakes up outside the house, and goes back in. Fyllour's like "hey Loc I enrolled you in walking school". So Loc goes to Dancin' School and gets a Goulde Meddoule in every challenge. However, in order to graduate from Cooking School, Loc must find a working baseball. Loc drives to Binco and asks if they have any grey t-shirts. The man at the counter says that they are out of pink paisley cargo pants. Loc thanks the man and walks outside. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into the Silph Co. tower, grabbing the Mastour Ball as he goes. Loc then parachutes onto the roof of the Donut-Eating School, where he presents the commitee with the papour towels, and they tell Loc to meet them out back. Loc goes out back, where the commitee surrounds him with baseball bats! They say "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and steal Loc's lunch money! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 027: So Academy So Award So - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Fyllour is presenting the twenty-sixth annual Academy Awards! Loc takes him to the location of the ceremony, but Fyllour realises he left the statuettes at home! Loc rushes back to Fyllour's house while Fyllour distracts the crowd by flying a plane into Academy Awards Towour whilist doing magic tricks! Loc arrives at CJ's house and grabs the Hookshot. Loc hopes into CJ's Dodo and attempts to airdrop the rice pilaf into Wembley Stadium, but the US Army is trying to shoot him down! Loc parachutes into The Sweet's boat and they boat-boat over to Detroit, where The Sweet looks straight at Loc and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc runs to the Gant Bridge and chucks the violin at Fyllour! Fyllour fumbles the chalk, and Loki disassymilates from the ground and grabs the paste! Loc sighs and says "here we go again", and dives into the wormhole after Loki! Loc lands in a graveyard and sees Loki digging up Samuel's grave! Loc fires his nine at Loki, but Loki dodges! Loc runs and tackles Loki, and Loki's face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Loc is stunned for a moment, and that moment is all Loki needs. Loki runs away, and Loc is thrown to the Los Santos Forum, where he gives Fyllour the tongs. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 028: Quite Alright - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, scoped shotgun
CJ is concerned with the growing obesity rates in the children of Los Santos. He gives Loc a scoped shotgun and tells him to go to the top of Super-Okay Tower and take care of this problem. Loc goes to Shopkeepour's store to buy some tower-climbing gear, but Shopkeepour refuses, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc offers Shopkeepour fifty cents and a lemon-scented candle for the gear, and Shopkeepour accepts. Loc then drives his Super GT to Super-Okay Tower and proceeds to climb it. Loc takes aim at some obese children, and opens fire! Suddently, a plane flies into Super-Okay Tower! Loc falls off the edge, and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 029: Mission Where Loc Does Heroic Stuff - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Harvey Kinkle
CJ wishes to acquire some games for his PS3. As Loc exits CJ's house, CJ puts on his coolface. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Mojave Desert. Loc treks through the desert on a horse with no name for about an hour, then the horse turns to him and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". The horse then bucks Loc off of him. Loc treks through the desert on foor for three whole days. On the fourth day, Loc passes out from dehydration. Gwonam finds Loc and takes him to his hut; he awakens Loc by waving dry box under Loc's nose, causing him to spring up and eat the dry box. Loc inquires as to the whereabouts of the PS3 games, and Gwonam uses his crystal ball to determine that the PS3 has no games! Loc swears revenge on CJ, but Gwonam tosses Loc into his private jet and flies him over the Pacific Ocean. Gwonam kicks Loc out of the plane, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Gwonam's plane then crashes into a tower. Loc swims to the shore of Verona Beach, and rushes to Harvey's garage for a battering ram with which to infiltrate Bowser's castle. Harvey and Loc affix the battering ram to the top of Harvey's Blista Compact and ram through the gate! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 030: Union - Contact: Harvey Kninkle - Reward: Respect +
Harvey has started a petition to increase wages for lawyers. Loc takes the petition and gives it to all of his friends to sign. Loc and Harvey then go to Washington D.C. to give the petition to congress. However, once there, they find that Barry Manilow has taken over the city! Loc and Harvey form a resistance group to oppose Barry Manilow, and proceed to storm the White House! They take out all of Barry Manilow's guards, then storm his office and politely ask him to step down. Barry Manilow refuses, so Loc offers him a copy of David Boogie's debut album, Boogie All Night Long for, signed by Fyllour. The temptation proves too much for Barry Manilow, and he gives Loc the deed to Joe Satriani's house. Harvey turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". He then hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into the Washington Monument. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 031: Truncuation - Contact: Harvey Kinkle - Reward: Respect +
Harvey wants to form a Little League team! However, he doesn't know any local children! Loc gets into Harvey's white van and offers neighbourhood children candy, at which point Phyllyp grabs them and conscripts them into the team. After conscripting eleven children, a rival Little League team, the Derpwood Dodongoes, starts pelting the can with harlequin foetus! Fraibel takes the wheel, and Loc must chuck shoe at the nurses before one of the children hanging off the side of the van gets harlequin foetus in his eye! Once the anthropologists are defeated, James Hetfield's like "take me home". After which, Loc must deliver the children to Harvey, at which point Michelle's like "gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home".

Mission 032: Disorientation - Contact: Harvey Kinkle - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Norm
Loc walks into Harvey's house, and finds Harvey slumped on the floor. Anne's lifeless corpse is lying beneath him. A single tear streams down Harvey's cheek. Loc gives Harvey the moist towelette, and Harvey starts crying, saying "i don't want to be a roman". Loc looks at Harvey with scorn in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and Harvey retorts "NO U". Loc runs off crying, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 033: One Man, One Vision - Contact: Norm - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Jim Root
Norm wants to be a useless piece of shit all day and play these videogames! Loc's like "I just wanna play videogames YAHURR" and Norm kicks him out of his house! Jim Root calls Loc and tells him that Disturbed are in the Tower Hotel nearby. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Burger Shot across the street from the Tower Hotel. Loc plants C4s at all of Burger Shot's main supports, and detonates them! The police surround the ruins of the Burger Shot, but the Burger Shot ruse... was a DISTACTION. Loc has the car. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into Tower Hotel. Loc parachutes out, and must land in the centre of the marker for more points! Loc then does a barrel roll and drives to Norm's house. Norm falls down the stairs, and Loc's like "I TOLD YOU DOG I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO". Then Michelle's like "take me home (or else)".

Mission 034: The Evil That Men Do - Contact: Jim Root - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Loc walks quietly through the halls of the hotel Slipknot are staying at. Loc quickly opens the door to the storage closet, and kicks down the secret panel. He cautiously steps forward, and Jim Root appears from behind him! Loc activates his lightsabre, and says "my name is OG Loc; you killed my fathour; prepare to die". Loc charges at Jim Root, who deflects his swings, and calmly says to Loc "I AM your fathour". Loc is shocked at the news, and Jim Root uses this opportunity to poke him with a stick! This causes Loc distress, and Loc presses the button on his collar to have Shopkeepour beam him up! However, Shopkeepour also beams Jim Root up because he "thought it would be funny". Loc tackles Jim Root, and Jim Root's face melts away to reveal... Jim Root! Loc is stunned, and Jim Root uses this opportunity to escape! Shopkeepour looks Loc straight in the eyes, and sighs, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". He hits the ejectour button, and Loc falls into a plane! Loc comandeers the plane, and flies it straight into Slipknot Tower! Loc then parachutes into the centre of the marker for more points! After acquiring points, Loc does a barrel roll, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 035: Bustin' Out - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, bridges to San Fierro and its badlands open, Curse of Dragon
CJ has invented the bicycle! He puts Kendl's baby into the seat on the back of the bicycle, and Loc hops on. CJ hops into his Super GT and has Loc follow him to the starting line. Once there, Loc must execute a series of jumps, dodging wrecking balls and spikes to reach the final jump, at which point Loc must eject from the bicycle, grab Kendl's baby, and dunk it into the hoop to open the tunnel downwards! Loc succeeds, and falls into the chasm! However, the chasm is very deep, and Loc doesn't have a parachute! Loc thinks fast, and grabs his deck. He plays the first card he draws, which is Curse of Dragon! He summons it to the field, and it carries him down to the bottom quickly and safely. However, Curse of Dragon lifts off and is sent hurdling into a tower! Loc and Tyrone light a torch and explore the tunnel, eventually finding a door. They open the door, and just past it is Tyrone's mother, naked! Tyrone kills himself, and Loc carries his body through the tunnel to bury it in the Los Sepulcros cemetary. CJ then grabs Loc, and chucks him across the river to the badlands of San Fierro, where Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 036: Gargantuan Nights - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $50, cricket bat
One of Groove Street's Prack dealers hasn't been working his designated Prack-dealing area! CJ sends Loc to go and get him. Loc calls Joe Lynn Turner, who hops into CJ's Dodo and flies around giving Loc clues as to where the Prack dealer is while Loc drives around in his Super GT! Joe Lynn Turner spots the dealer, and banks a hard right, crashing into a nearby tower! Eventually, Loc finds the dealer, and beats him up with a cricket bat and stuffs him in an overly large sack! Loc throws the sack into the ocean, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 037: BIG NAKED - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $50, Zip and Target open, Contacts: Toni Cipriani, Little EctoDevil, Big EctoDevil
CJ tells Loc that the dealer never reported in after his dealings! Loc hops into his Super GT and drives to San Fierro, where he finds a Sindacco thug attacking Geoff! Loc puts on his rescuing-Geoff pants, but just as he's about to leap into action, Toni Cipriani beats the Sindacco to a pulp with a giant, inflatable television remote! Toni turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Toni hops into Loc's Super GT, and takes Loc to his base in San Fierro, which just happens to be Little and Big Devils' old hideout. The memories come flooding back to Loc, and he collapses to the ground and starts crying. The ghosts of the two Devils come out and are all like "hey", and Loc's like "hey". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 038: Cargo Pants - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +
Toni has found Geddy Lee and strapped him to the top of his private jet. Loc hops in and raises Geddy Lee's scare meter to its maximum by doing barrel rolls and the like. Once sufficiently terrified, Geddy Lee tells Loc of the location of the Napkin of Coming Up with a Plan to Run the Sindaccos Out of San Andreas! Loc tells Geddy Lee that he will allow Geddy Lee to escape if he gives up singing forever. Suddenly, Geddy Lee's face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Loki runs away, and Loc gets so caught up in swearing his revenge on Carlous that his plane flies right into a tower! Loc hops onto a nearby NRG-500 and ramps over a picket line of Drake Bell impersonators on strike for higher wages! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 039: LOOK AT ME - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +, lightsabre, muffler scarf
Loc walks into Toni's hideout, and Toni's like "hey", and Loc notices that Toni is holding Stouourt hostage! Loc demands that Toni let Stouourt go, but Toni just produces a Single-Action Army revolver, and says "this gun is the best gun ever", and runs off, leaving Loc to deal with an army of Tripfags riding harlequin foetus wolves! Afterward, Loc runs after Toni, and meets up with twenty angry Regenouratours who challenge him to a dance-off! Loc must score 2,000,000 points on Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" in order to proceed. Loc rushes into the chamber where Toni has Stouourt. Loc readies his shoe, a single tear streaming down his face. Loc chucks the shoe at Toni, who dives out of the way, sending the shoe careening into Stouourt! Stouourt collapses to the ground, a final tear produced from his near lifeless body. Stouourt uses his final breaths to say to Loc "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc collapses to the ground, and yells "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Loc pulls out his lightsabre and charges at Toni, chopping him in half diagonally. Loc deactivates his lightsabre and rushes over to Stouourt's body, and stuffs it in a giant blender. Loc then treks to the top of Mt. Doom, where he throws the ring into the lava. Loc hops onto his NRG, and rides down the mountain, where he meets Stouourt! Stouourt needs to pick up some drycleaning, so he hops onto Loc's bike, as Loc would do nearly anything for Big Smoke's son. Loc and Stouourt ride to Unity Station, where the drycleaning train is already taking off! Loc drives alongside the train so Stouourt can get a good shot off on the laundrymen. Once they're all killed, Stouourt turns to Loc with a raging inferno in his eyes and says "The Game". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 040: I Have You Now - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +, $5, Odd Jobs: pizza delivery
Toni's all like "check out my doubles", but he gets triples instead! Toni runs off, embarassed, and Loc chases after him! Loc dodges all the harlequin foetus Toni is chucking at him, but Toni dives into his room and locks the door! Loc throws Petour at the door, but Toni's gone! Loc follows a trail of Steelheart CDs to an obstacle course! Loc must deliver fifteen pizzas in under two minutes. The last delivery is to Toni, who looks Loc straight in the eyes, a single tear streaming down his cheek; he says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Toni then hops into his Shit Car and drives into a tree. Loc must use his remaining time to get back to the pizza parlour in Vinewood, where Mr. Aziz is so happy that Loc completed his deliveries that he flies a plane into a tower! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 041: Wolseley Heights [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Big Devil shoos Loc out of the ghost of Little Devil's safehouse for being "embarassing to be seen with", so the ghost of Little Devil takes Loc to get some new clothes and a haircut. Loc doesn't see what the big problem is, seeing as Big and Little Devil are now ghosts, and points this out to the ghost of Little Devil. The ghost of Little Devil starts crying and says "are you racist against ghosts", and Loc denies this statement. The ghost of Little Devil kicks Loc out of the car and drives off. Former American Idol contestant Clay Aiken sees Loc and asks for a picture of the two together. However, Loc doesn't have a camera! Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Pentagon, where they're working on a high-tech spy-camoura. Suddenly, Shopkeepour fires a heat-seeking roquette at CJ's Dodo! Loc must parachute into the marker for more points! Loc sneaks into the room where it's being held, and accidentally the alarm! A squad of unknown catalyst knights storm the room, and Loc must defeat them all with his silenced shotgun, soas not to wake up Fyllour, who will call the police if awoken. Loc flies back to Clay, and takes the picture, at which point, Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 042: Scribble [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, 9mm pistol
The ghost of Big Devil and the ghost of Little Devil decide to blast some fools with Loc's help, so they give Loc a nine. The ghost of Little Devil drives around San Fierro, while Loc and the ghost of Big Devil blast some Rifa. As they pass Starbucks, a Rifa throws a grenade at the car! Loc and the Rifa then proceed to blast some civilians. After a few minutes of this, Loc and the Rifa skip through the corpse-littered streets. Kaiba Corp doesn't take too kindly to this skipping business, and runs over Ferris! Loc hops into his Super GT, and drives away from the Kaiba Corp goons like a man who has a disease which prevents him from not-driving away from the Kaiba Corp goons! A Kaiba Corp snypour shoots at Loc from atop Sears, and the bullet hits Loc right between the eyes! The snypour curses his luck, as he only brought one bullet. Loc's Super GT spins out of control into the side of an oil tankour, causing it to explode, reducing the Super GT and all its contents to ash. All of the Kaiba Corp vehicles drive into the blast radius unwittingly, and are instantly killed. Loc drives up the side of Sears, and parks beside the snypour. Loc opens his door like a mad man, and the synpour falls to the ground. Loc stands over the snypour, and says "this is for Carl", and blasts him. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 043: Scrumpadoceous [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Big Devil is bored, so he and the ghost of Little Devil inform Loc of their plan to rob Burger Shot. Loc regretfully informs the ghosts that Burger Shot was bought out by Justin Timberlake. Justin Timberlake's spies go on high alert, and send in the British Grand Imperial Army. Loc web-swings to Justin's mansion, and crashes through the window. A Jane Fonda excercise tape is playing, but Justin is nowhere to be found. All of a sudden, the video shifts to Liam Gallagher! Steve Harris says he has kidnapped Justin, and taunts Loc. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo, and crashes into a tower, parachuting into the roof of Scott Stapp's laboratory, where he finds Jeff Mangum torturing Justin! Loc says "let Justin go, you freak", and Eddie Vedder replies "no I need his power". Loc challenges Krist Novoselic to a dance-off. Meatloaf happily accepts, and mocks Loc for challenging best dancer in the land. Loc sweats, as he knows that Glenn Hughes's moves are indeed the sweetest in the land. Despite this, Loc knows what must be done. Loc puts his years of training to the test by scoring 12 points, enough to stun Roger Daltrey with his moves. After successfully stunning Joe Walsh, Loc chucks harlequin foetus at Zakk Wylde, which causes Joe Perry to stumble back, blinded. Gilby Clarke then falls into a vat of acid, and Loc takes Justin to the top of Mount Chiliad. The two confess their love, and passionately kiss under the moonlight. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 044: Black (Black) [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, Odd Jobs: tagging, nurse
The ghost of Big Devil is up in arms about Groove Street's tags being sprayed over. He and Loc hop into Loc's Super GT, and head for the tags. However, the Rifa are patrolling the area with all of the sprayed-over tags! The ghost of Big Devil drives by each tag location, and Loc must spray the intricacies of CJ's proud perfectly onto the wall! After spraying five-hundred tags this way, Loc unleashes the giant shoe dragon, and must parachute into the marker for more points! Barney the dinosaur is there to welcome him into the land of it, and says "if you're ever in the land of it again, give me a call". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 045: Fountain (in My Pants) [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, sniper rifle, Contact: Regis Philbin
The ghost of Little Devil wants to spruce up the hideout. He decides the best course of action is to steal the fountain in San Fierro plaza, so he and Loc hop into Loc's Super GT and drive towards the plaza, when, all of a sudden, they're attacked by a flock of Spearow! Loc hops on top of his Super GT, and lies down to snipe the Spearow while the ghost of Little Devil drives around aimlessly. After defeating seven-hundred Spearow without letting any get past or falling off the Super GT, Emeril grabs Loc's Supter GT with a magnet! Loc leaps off of his Supter GT, dodging wrecking balls and gunfire, and lands in CJ's Dodo right as it passes by! Loc must fire his sleeping pill rifle at Emeril's Salamence while CJ ducks and dodges its devestating hyper beams! Eventually, Loc causes it to fall asleep, but it's about to fall on the San Fierro Awards Depot! Loc's like "not the awards", and quickly jumps out of CJ's Dodo and lands in the marker for more points! Loc quickly knits an effigy of Taylor Hanson, which the Salamence falls on, saving the awards depot. Regis Philbin approaches Loc while dodging Grimace's devastating helicopter blasts, and offers him a spot on Who Wants to be a Millionare, which Loc greedily accepts. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 046: Fundraiser! In the Thunder and Heat! [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, $200
Since stealing the fountain itself fell through, Loc and the ghost of Little Devil decide to buy the fountain. While the ghost of Little Devil whores himself for money, Loc hops on Gerry's BMX and takes to the skies to get $2,000,000 in insane stunt bonuses! After achieving this feat, Wezlie congratulates Loc, and gives him $200 and a six-star wanted level! Loc thanks Brendounne, then hops back on the BMX and pedals away to the hideout, careful not to dismount the BMX, as Shopkeepour would snipe him were that to happen! Loc gets to the door of the hideout, and leaps off the BMX, landing in the back of Loukess's pick-up. The ghost of Little Devil congratulates Loc for making them $200, but says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man" with despair searing in his eyes. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 047: Burgle King [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Little Devil tells Loc to steal some shit from this house. It's pretty nice; not too nice, though. Loc runs to the kitchen, and sees a regenerator! Loc sprints to Geromy's van, and dives in the back. Courtys stomps on the gas, and Loc shoots at the regenerator until they get to the LEGO corporation building, where they go in through the secret passage in back using Fyllour's spare LEGO corporation secret passage key. Loc, Mark Arm and Nate Mendel fight their way through the dungeon, fighting off waves of goombas, until they get to the LEGO corporation president's office. The LEGO corporation president stares out the window at the burning city, a single tear streaming down his face. The LEGO corporation president whispers "what have I done", and points a Steelheart CD at his mouth. Loc winces, and when he looks up, the LEGO corporation president is on the ground, blood pouring out of his mouth. Loc rushes over to the LEGO corporation president's desk, and grabs the infra-red scope. Loc grabs Cheryl and repels down the collapsing building, but the rapel point gives way, and Loc must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! At the ground, the regenerator looks at Loc and gives a pretty menacing stare; not too menacing, though. Loc grabs his nine, but a bullet pierces the regenerator's skull! Reaver steps out from behind the smoke. Loc stares at Reaver with hatred burning in his very soul. Reaver stares at Loc with a fire burning in his eyes, twirls his revolver on his finger, and walks away, revolver twirling all the while. Reaver stops, revolver pointed in the air, turns his head towards Loc, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 048: Babe, I Got You, Babe [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, giant net spawns at Loc's house
The ghost of Little Devil informs Loc of a women party in Portugal. Loc drives to Portugal, and infiltrates the party dressed as a clown. Loc must score 1,000,000 points in balloon animal-making, so Travis can get Michigan's truck to the party, and Shopkeepour can go to WAL*MART to buy the giant net. After scoring 1,000,000 points, Travis crashes Kentucky's truck through the side of the building, and Shopkeepour rounds up all the women in the giant net. Martin betrays the group and calls the cops! Loc pulls out his nine, but Shopkeepour stops him, saying it's not worth it. Loc sheds a single tear at the betrayal, and the police surround the house. Loc leaps onto Montana's truck with Shopkeepour and Travis, while Martin drives. The four have to get the women back to the hideout with a six-star wanted level, staying balanced on top of Wyoming's truck, while taking out the cops, who are firing their PEZ uzis. Loc must dive in front of the pez streams each time the indicator pops up to avoid the untimely death of Shopkeepour or Travis. When they arrive back at the hideout, Ieyouanne runs out with an RPG-7 and fires at the women! Ieyouanne looks Loc straight in the eyes, and says "I stole the cookie from the", and Loc fires his nine, blowing Ieyouanne's brains out. Travis thanks Loc for his help dealing with the ravaging pedestrian hordes, and his face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 049: Get on Your Bikes and Ride [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Little Devil has entered Loc in a bicycle race! Loc exits out the back room and chucks his bike at the ghost of Little Devil, saying "I don't WANT to be a cyclist! I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my biiiiiiiiiiiike; I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it", puts on his not-hopping-into-a-pick-up suit and hops into Indiana's pick-up truck. Larry drives Loc around San Fierro aimlessly, while Loc sits in the back of the truck reading a magazine. Loc must score 15,675 points exactly in the magazine-reading minigame, or Fraibel will rub Denver Post all his own naked body! Then Michelle's like take me home.

Mission 050: Nintendin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +
Regis lost his Gameboy on some planet in space! Loc runs two laps around Groove Street, and Jeanette teleports him to Mourcourie! On Mourcourie, Loc asks Brian May if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, and Brian May's like "who". Loc is teleported back to Earth, and runs to Los Sepulcros, where he meets Tetra. Loc makes $100,000 whoring himself out on the streets of Los Santos, and launches himself to Vienous in Tetra's cannon. On Vienous, Loc asks Shoeless Bill if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, but Shoeless Bill is all like "who stop making people up", and chucks Loc to Earth. Loc then rests until midnight, and goes to the Panopticon, where he finds a giant trampoline. Loc plugs his controller into controller port two, and bounces to Mars. On Mars, Loc asks the Prince of Wales if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, but the Prince of Wales wants to do combat with Loc one last time. He chucks a katana at Loc, and Loc hacks at him until he falls to the ground. Loc catches the Prince of Wales, who is coughing up blood. A single tear streams down Loc's cheek, and he says "why". The Prince of Wales takes off his pendant and places it in Loc's hand, a single tear streaming down his face. The Prince of Wales looks into Loc's eyes one final time, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", before closing his eyes, and going limp in Loc's arms. Loc looks up to the skies and swears revenge on Orange for killing his mentor. Loc falls back to Earth, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Loc runs back to Los Santos, and must webswing from Groove Street to Angel Pine in under three minutes without hitting anything or touching the ground, after which, Fyllour gives Loc the boots, which allow him to jump to Joupytour. On Joupytour, Loc finds Anne Frank and Goku, who are all like "do you mind", so Loc leaps back to Earth. Loc drives around San Andreas aimlessly, and Harold gives him a go-to-Satourn potion! Loc ingests the potion, and is taken to Satourn, where he finds Will Smith. Will Smith challenges Loc to a rap battle, so Loc puts on his rap battle hat, and stuns Will Smith with his rhymes. Will Smith gives Loc the orb of going-back-to-Earth, and Loc uses it to teleport back to Earth. Loc runs to Shopkeepour's grocery shop, and buys a piano. Loc loads the piano into his bicycle basket, and pedals to Shopkeepour's house, where he plays Ode to Joy for Shopkeepour. Shopkeepour then sells Loc a ticket to the carnival. Loc hops onto the ferris wheel, and rides it to Eoureynnoul. On Eoureynnoul, Loc asks Shopkeepour if he's seen Regis's Gameboy. Shopkeepour sells Loc the "find Regis's Gameboy" machine, and Loc goes back to Earth. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo, and flies into the Extreme Biography tower. The executives of Extreme Biography give Loc wings, which he uses to fly to Neptounne. On Neptounne, Loc uses the dousing rod to find Liam Gallagher, who says to Loc, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc is thrust back to Earth. Loc takes out the Official San Andreas Chronicles Microphone (batteries not included), and sings Roy Orbison's Cryin'. After keeping perfect pitch, Loc is so moved by Loc's performance that he rockets up to Ploutou, where he finds the Gameboy. Loc returns to Regis, and says "Ploutou isn't a planet", and Regis puts on his coolface. Then Michelle's like "take me home".





Regis tells Loc x owes Mickey the Milkman protection money, Loc steals a bulldozour and bulldozes x's house Regis takes Loc at gunpoint and forces him to buy the property
Shirley tells Loc that his best friend Chuck died of blood poisoning a single tear streams down etc. collapse ground noooooooooooo Gregory's funeral places flowers on Britney's grave says that he's sorry Tyler never knew how he felt collapses and cries on Jeremy's grave then Michelle
It's Shopkeepour's birthday Loc puts a toastour in his car so he can toast while he drives (right after ^ ~mission 60)
Loc is warped to a palace where he throws off the empourour's groove then he is hit by a cart with the empourour in a llama form then they go on adventures and loc has to defeat ysma while she is throwing potions at him turning him into random animals
Loc's ultimate goal is to become a puppet (Fyllour mission), a poet (Shopkeepour mission), a pirate (CJ mission), a pauper (Michelle mission), a pawn (Mike mission) and a king (Harvey mission)
Final boss fight is super-epic and at the end, final boss's face melts away to reveal Loki


This game is dedicated to the memory of the late Mike.
R.I.P., 1974 - 2004
Good night, sweet prince, and may a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest.