untitled!!!

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Chronicles
for Xbox 360
Starring Jeffrey Rath as OG Loc
Normski as Shopkeepour
Max Gill as Fyllour
Catherine Bailey as Michelle
Dan Green as Craig
Chris Bellard as CJ
Nate Richert as Harvey Kinkle
Wes Johnson as Mike
Written by Jake Cole Adjutant
Ideas and whatnot by Jake Cole Adjutant and Eifion Cole Lewis
I get by with a little help from my friends

K-DST:
"Rock Bottom" by UFO
"At War with the World" by Foreigner
"Rocket Man" by Elton John
"Breakdown" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"The Night Before" by The Beatles
"Carry On Wayward Son" by Kansas
"Young Americans" by David Bowie
"What's Your Name" by Lynyrd Skynyrd
"You Got Me Floatin'" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience
"Fool for Your Loving '80" by Whitesnake
"Peace Frog" by The Doors
"Beware of Darkness" by George Harrison
"Cryin'" by Aerosmith
"5.15" by The Who
"Arrow Through Me" by Paul McCartney and Wings
"Bicycle Race" by Queen
"Don't Let it End" by Styx
"The Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News
"It's Alright for You" by The Police
"Mony Mony" by Billy Idol

Radio X:
"Drain You" by Nirvana
"Ain't Nothin' to Do" by Green River
"Whatever" by Oasis
"High-Speed Dirt" by Megadeth
"How do You?" by Radiohead
"Nightrain" by Guns N' Roses
"Dissident" by Pearl Jam
"Sting Me" by Black Crowes
"Lightning Strikes" by Ozzy Osbourne
"Losing My Religion" by R.E.M.
"Sticky Side Up" by Steelheart
"Rain When I Die" by Alice in Chains
"Funky Monks" by Red Hot Chili Peppers
"I Hate Myself for Lovin' You" by Joan Jett
"Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins
"From Here to Eternity" by Iron Maiden
"Creep" by Stone Temple Pilots
"Know Your Enemy" by Rage Against the Machine
"Always on the Run" by Lenny Kravitz
"A Lil' Ain't Enough" by David Lee Roth

Quite-Good.FM:
"Imagine" by John Lennon
"The Unforgiven" by Metallica
"Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough" by Diana Ross
"Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin
"Don't Stop -- Extended Mix" by Nickwood Mac
"Fireball" by Deep Purple
"It's All Coming Back to Me Now" by Celine Dion
"Brass in Pocket" by The Pretenders
"Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush
"Eruption -- Live" by Van Halen
"Let's Stick Together" by Brian Ferry
"2112" by Rush
"You Shook Me All Night Long" by AC/DC
"Follow You, Follow Me" by Genesis
"Caught in a Mosh" by Anthrax
"One Way or Another" by Blondie
"Up the Junction" by Squeeze
"Prison Sex" by Tool
"Kool Thing" by Sonic Youth

The main theme of the game is Haddaway's "What is Love". After each successful mission, the song up until the first "no more" plays.

WEAPONS:

Slot one (hands):
Fists
Novelty boxing glove

Slot two (melee):
Cutlass
Tennis raquette
Croquet mallet
Knife
Spoon
Fork
Baguette
Oscillating fan
Rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle
Giant q-tip

Slot three (thrown):
Fragmentation grenade
Incendiary grenade
Flash grenade
Satchel charge
Tear gas
Smoke grenade
Denver Post bomb
Green shell
Red shell
Banana peel

Slot four (handguns):
9mm pistol
Desert eagle
.357 magnum
Tranquiliser

Slot five (shotguns):
Chrome shotgun
Sawed-off shotgun
Automatic shotgun
Silenced shotgun
Scoped shotgun

Slot six (SMGs):
Tec-9
Micro SMG
MP5
PEZ uzi

Slot seven (assault rifles):
Tommy gun
AK-47
M4
Sleeping pill assault rifle

Slot eight (sniper rifles):
Hunting rifle
Bolt-action rifle
M1 Garrand
PSG-1
Scoped squirt gun

Slot nine (heavy weapons):
RPG-7
Semi-automatic minigun
Railgun
M-388 Davy Crockett
Homing lamp
Shoe
Blue shell

Slot ten (Pokemon):
Poliwrath
Venusaur
Pikachu
Snorlax
Gyarados
Aerodactyl
Espeon

Slot eleven (Yugioh cards):
Dark Magician
Gaia the Fierce Knight
Curse of Dragon
Celtic Guardian
Summoned Skull
Buster Blader
Breaker the Magical Warrior

Slot twelve (backpacks):
Parachute
Extra ammo pack
Tower-climbing gear
Pokegear

Slot thirteen (miscelaneous):
Camera
Spray paint
Fire extinguisher
Flamethrower
Whippy creme

Slot fourteen (eyewear):
Night-vision goggles
Thermal goggles
Sunglasses
Reading glasses
Goggles
Beer goggles

Slot fifteen (gifts):
Flowers
Steelheart CD
Washington Post
BUSTA juice
Harlequin foetus
Hookshot

All money, weapons, clothing and respect is importable from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas Stories

Mission 001: Subterranian Homesick Blues - Contact: N/A - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Michelle
OG Loc's first job as a member of the FBI is to rescue Steelheart from the clutches of the evil Doctour Jeremiah. Loc sneaks into his base, and finds that Steelheart are gone! In their place is Good Charlotte! Gerard Way gives Loc a note saying "Gary was here; Loc is a loser!"! Loc crushes the note in his fist and swears revenge on Fred forever. Loc escorts Good Charlotte out of the base and back to America safely. The directour of the CIA then kicks Loc out of the NSA, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc then flies back to San Andreas, and visits Michelle. Craig welcomes him in, and Mitchell says Michelle is upstairs. Loc tells Michelle what happened, and Michelle takes away all of Loc's weapons, money and respect! Michelle's then like "take me home".

Mission 002: Freedom Towour - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Craig welcomes Loc inside for some tea. Just as Loc is about to sit down, Herbert tells him to go check on his homies. Loc crawls through the sewours, and pops out of Ryder's toilet! Ryder's like "BUSTA", and he and Loc go to see CJ at Groove Towour at the end of Groove Street. Loc goes inside, and checks with the receptionist. Unfortunately, CJ is in a meeting! Loc makes an appointment, and exits the towour. Just after Loc exits, a plane flies into the side of Groove Towour! CJ does a barrel roll, and tucks The Sweet into bed. CJ looks at Loc with a fire in his eyes; a single tear streams down his cheek. CJ says to Loc, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and walks off. Loc slumps to the ground, a single tear streaming down his cheek. All Loc has ever wanted was CJ's approval. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 003: 1993/06/11 - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect + - Contact: Private Investigatour
Loc gets to CJ's house, and wonders why it's so fucking dark. All of a sudden, all of Loc's friends pop out and yell "necrophelia"! It's Loc's birthday! A single tear streams down Loc's face, and he says "you guys are the best". Suddenly, Michelle pops out of Loc's giant cake! Loc's eyes fill with tears, and he runs to his room, crying. Loc holds a funeral and wake for his departed cake, and then punches Dominic in the anal for destroying his cake. After the wake, Shopkeepour's brothour, Private Investigatour, approaches Loc and says that with Loc's help, he would like to find the devious criminal mastourmind who destroyed Loc's cake. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 004: Has - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, hand costume, Binco, Suburban and ProLaps open
CJ takes Loc clothes shopping! Loc goes into the changing room, and Loki steals all the clothes! Wearing nothing but a bikini, Loc chases Loki, on foot, across Los Santos to Verona Beach, where Loki gets into a go-kart! Loc gets into a moving truck, but it's posessed by Rotom! Rotom flings Loc into a black hole, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and Loc reappears on Groove Sreet, wearing a hand costume. Loc swears revenge on Jaqueline, then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 005: Live at Leads - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +
Private Investigatour has a lead on the men who raped Loc's daughtour. Loc and Private Investigatour drive to the house where the rapists are held up, when suddenly, the rapist's cousins leap out the fiftieth-storey window! The cousins hop into a Super GT, and Loc and Private Investigatour get into the Private Investigatourmobile, and drive around Los Santos until they find a raising bridge! Loc ramps over the bridge, falling into a vat of acid! The cousins crash into the bridge and die. Loc must save Dennis, who is dying of food poisoning, by swimming to shore. Dennis then says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 006: With the It - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +
Private Investigatour wants Loc to get some exercise, as he's embarassing to be seen with. The two bike to central park, where they find a guy wearing a badge that says "I killed Loc's fathour". Loc blasts that fool, but it was a decoy! The real mourdourour hops onto a bike, and Loc must follow! Private Investigatour rigs Chase with a bomb, and chases the murdourour to an intersection, where Private Investigatour plows into him with a combine harvestour! The mourdourour lies in the street, bleeding. Loc takes out his nine, and asks if he has any last words. The mourdourour says "just one: teehee". His face then melts away to reveal... LOKI! Loki runs away, and so Loc swears revenge on Keith. Loc flies a plane into the towour where Keith works. Keith, with his dying breath, says to Loc "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 007: Hop the Fuck In - Contact: Private Investigatour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Shopkeepour
Private Investigatour knows a guy who can help find out who stole Loc's autographed glow-in-the-dark harlequin foetus. He and Loc drive to the carnival on the pier, and meet up with Chief Wiggum and Ralph. The four get in the car, and Loc remembers its tyres are missing! Loc runs to Groove Street to get tyres from Shopkeepour's tyre shop, and runs back to the pier. When he gets back, the car is gone, and Michael Matijevic hands Loc a note, saying "Gary was here; Loc is a loser!". Also, the Rifa have blockaded the end of the pier. Loc hops on a faggio, and jumps the fuck out of that blockade! Unfortunately, Loc left his blockade-jumping license in the car! The police chase Loc on his faggio all the way to Groove Street, where Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 008: Fromage - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, $12
Shopkeepour needs coustoumours for his diseased anal shop. He enters Loc in a lowrider race where the first prize is coustoumours, which Loc then proceeds to win. After the victory, Loc is greeted by the Prince of Wales. The Prince of Wales says "hey I like your skills here's my numbour; if you're ever in San Fierro give me a call". After the exchange, Loc must get to Burgour Shot before the bomb detonates! Upon Loc's arrival, Shopkeepour takes the prize, and thanks Loc for winning the signed Cinderella CD, and gives him $12 for his troubles. Jack turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes. He says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and storms off. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 009: Romantic Sunset - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, hot dog costume, harlequin foetus, Ammunation opens
Loc walks into Shopkeepour's shop, and is like "yo Shopkeepour", at which point Shopkeepour knocks Loc unconcious with a Steelheart CD, puts him in a giant hot dog costume, and throws him in the back of his truck. Loc wakes up at Ammunation, where he must score over 9,000 points in target practice with harlequin foetii! After accomplishing this, Clem walks up to Loc with anguish in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Clem then runs off crying, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 010: Makin' the Day Great - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, Shopkeepour's Super GT spawns at CJ's house
Shopkeepour and Loc are arguing about who the best Megadeth guitarist is. Loc says Christ Poland, while Shopkeepour says Chris Broderick. Shopkeepour storms out of the shop, crying. Loc calls CJ, and tells him to find Shopkeepour. CJ gets into a Dodo and flies around Los Santos giving contradictory clues as to the location of Shopkeepour. Eventually, Loc finds Shopkeepour. Loc caresses Shopkeepour's car, and the two hold hands and skip through a field of flowers. Gerald Ford turns to Loc and sighs, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Fyllour then steps out from behind the curtain and says "Loc, I'm pregnant", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 011: Oh Fuck Oh Fuck - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, silenced shotgun
Loc gets his chocolate in Shopkeepour's peanout bouttour! The pair go to Fyllour's house, as he is working on a chocolate-peanout bouttour-separatour machine. However, to complete the machine, Fyllour needs a kickstand for his car. Loc kayaks to Boston, and sneaks into the Boston Museum of Science. Loc is careful not to wake up Fyllour, as this would cause Fyllour to call the police. Loc sneaks into the dinosaur exhibit and steals an egg. Loc flies back to Fyllour, and the egg hatches into Steven Tyler! Steven Tyler says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 012: Morals and Ethics - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Shopkeepour's rivals are having a meeting somewhere in Los Santos! Shopkeepour gives Loc the rival-trackour, and Loc must fly around until he finds the red blip on his rival-trackour's radar! When he finds it, however, it's moving! Shopkeepour's rivals are in a trailer being towed by a Super GT! Loc flies his plane into a tower, then parachutes into the driver's seat of the Super GT. Loc then drives the Super GT to the pier while being chased by the Prince of Wales, where he bails out before it hits the water! CJ then calls Loc, saying "yo, Loc! Important shit happening in the Groove!". Loc goes to CJ's house, and CJ's like "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 013: Adventure! - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Poliwrath, harlequin foetus, Catalina's safehouse
CJ has recieved word of a drug dealer convention in Las Colinas! Loc drives CJ to the convention, but the gate is guarded! CJ gives Loc a Poliwrath, and Loc hops on a bicycle and ramps over the gate! Loc throws Poliwrath into the crowd, but the head drug dealer sends out Tropius! Loc recalls Poliwrath and starts throwing harlequin foetus at the dealers! CJ walks into the convention centre with TNT strapped to his chest. A single tear streams down his cheek, and he detonates the TNT, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". All the dealers are killed in the explosion, but more arrive in minivans! Loc and CJ hop into a Super GT, and escape to Catalina's old safehouse in the country. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 014: Imaginationland - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Steelheart CD
CJ and Loc are in the den, playing cards, when suddenly, a portal to Imaginationland opens! CJ and Loc are sucked in, and must find the leader, Jaspour! However, to get to Jaspour, CJ and Loc must fight off waves of rabid children with only a Steelheart CD! Eventually, the two find Jaspour, and take him at Steelheart CDpoint to the portal. Jaspour opens the portal, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty; oh won't you please take me home".

Mission 015: The Truck of Destiny - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, crowbar
CJ informs Loc that he accidentally dropped his can of carbonated post-industrial groove in central park earlier, and feels guilty. Suddenly, the military surrounds CJ's house! Loc climbs to the roof with a crowbar, and he must clear a path for CJ, as he goes to get Fyllour's help! Loc must then clear another path back through the military for CJ and Fyllour, as CJ forgot his jacket! They get the jacket, and Loc must clear another path back to Fyllour's house! The trio then get into the Hydra on the roof and fly away. Loc destroys fifty enemy Hydras while Gerald is constantly changing the radio station! Then Fyllour is like "I think that was the last of them, Loc", and CJ glares at Loc with a fire in his eyes, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". CJ chucks a Steelheart CD at Loc's head, causing him to fall out of the Hydra, and crash through the roof of Burgour Shot! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 016: Sometimes You Can't Yell - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $25, Foetusmart opens
CJ wants to put Loc on the path to becoming an Official Rock God! He has entered Loc into a unicycle race, however, the city is rioting over the outrageous prices at Foetusmart! Loc wins the race, and wins his Honourary Rock God certificate! The Prince of Wales hands Loc the trophy, and Loc reads the engraving, which reads: "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 017: Shiny Happy People - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +
CJ has invented a cereal and milk-separatour machine! Loc uses the device to travel back to 1987, the year Brian died. Loc shoots the tyres off the Shit Car about to run Brian over, but the driver pulls out an SMG! He points the SMG at Loc, and Loc fires his nine at the driver, killing him instantly. The SMG bullet hits Loc's nine, sending it flying into Brian's hands. Brian points the gun up at his chin, a single tear streaming down his face, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Brian pulls the trigger, killing himself instantly. Loc is ejected from the timestream. CJ sees the anguish in Loc's eyes, and walks away, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc walks to Brian's grave, and reads the inscription, which reads: "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc collapses to the ground, tears streaming down his face. Michelle walks over to Loc, puts her hand on his shoulder, and says "take me home".

Mission 018: Not the Vines - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, novelty boxing glove, Contact: Mike
CJ wants to steal the Vinewood sign! Loc goes to central park to find the winch of stealing-the-Vinewood sign; Loc then runs to the Vinewood sign, and uses the winch of stealing-the-Vinewood sign to get the Vinewood sign into the back of Mike's truck. However, as Mike speeds away, Kaiba Corp try to jump on the back of the truck! Loc takes out his novelty boxing glove to punch Kaiba Corp off the truck! After ten minutes of chase, Kaiba Corp gives up, but Loc remembers they have Gus hostage! Loc flies a plane into Kaiba Corp Towour, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 019: Broken Vows - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, harlequin foetus, Sears opens, Dodo spawns at CJ's house
CJ wants to take his new Dodo for a spin, but the military starts chasing him in Hydras! Loc goes to the top of Cluckin' Bell, and grabs a minigun. He chucks it at the nearest Hydra, and the pilot lands next to Loc and says "why you do this", and Loc hops into the Hydra, chucking harlequin foetus at the pilot. Loc flies into Sears Tower, at which point CJ lands next to Loc and says "take me home". Then Michelle's like "wish I were with you, but I couldn't stay; every direction leads me away; pray for tomorrow, but for today, all I want is to be home".

Mission 020: Chimes - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Fyllour
Mike wants to steal the Statue of Liberty! However, it's encased in plastic wrap! Loc goes to Fyllour's and asks if he still has his old un-encasing machine. Fyllour says "I sold it to buy food for me". He gives Loc the Guy-I-Sold-The-Un-Encasing Machine-To Trackour, and Loc uses it to find the guy who bought the un-encasing machine. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and follows a series of radar blips to find the guy's hideout. Loc storms the hideout, guns blazing, and finds that Mike bought the un-encasing machine! Mike thanks Loc, and then Michelle's like "Loc, you've been great, really. I want to make it up to you by taking YOU home". Loc's like "really?!". Michelle's like "no", then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 021: BUTTS - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, $28
Mike tells Loc to sit down, and gives him the written test. However, Loc hadn't studied beforehand! Loc's like "hey Mike", and Mike's like "what", and Loc's like "look over there". Mike looks, and Loc uses this opportunity to escape! Loc hops onto Mike's Faggio, and hotwires it, speeding off into the distance! Mike hops into Loc's Super GT, and tries to ram Loc off the road! Loc hits the turbo and blasts off into space! Mike grows wings and follows Loc, who jumps off Mike's Faggio and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Then Michelle's like "mama take me home sweet home; I was the last child; just a punk in the street; hooooooooooooooooome sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet hoooome-ah".

Mission 022: Help! - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +
Loc goes to Mike's house, and Mike's like "(help!) I need somebody (help!) not just anybody (help!) you know I need someone (help!) When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way; help me get my feet back on the ground; oh won't you please, PLEASE help me? And now my life has changed in oh-so many ways; my independance seems to vanish in a haze. Help me get my feet back on the ground; oh, won't you please, PLEASE help me? Help me, help me, ooh". Then Loc's like "what do you need help with", and Mike's like "I can't open this jar of onions". Loc opens the jar of onions, and Michelle's like "I'm on my way; just set me free; home sweet home".

Mission 023: Oh, Crumbs, Chief - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +
Someone has stolen Mike's jar of onions! Loc vows then and there that he will not rest, he will not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostriled man is brought to justice. But first he decides to buy some donuts. So he gets in his car and drives to the donut shop and he walks on up to the guy behind the counter and he's like "yeah what do you want", and Loc's like "do you got any glazed donuts" and he's like "no we're out of glazed donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any jelly donuts" and he's like "no we're out of jelly donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any Bavarian creme-filled donuts" and he's like "no we're out of Bavarian creme-filled donuts", and Loc's like "well, do you got any cinnamon rolls" and he's like "no we're out of cinnamon rolls", and Loc's like "well, do you got any apple fritters" and he's like "no we're out of apple fritters", so Loc says "DO YOU HAVE ANY BEAR CLAWS", and the guy's like "wait a minute, I'll go check". "NO, WE'RE OUT OF BEAR CLAWS". Loc says "well, in that case... in that case what DO you have?!" He says "all I've got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels". And Loc's like "okay, I'll take that". So he hands Loc the box and Loc opens up the lid and the weasels jump out, and they immediately latch onto his face and start bitin' him all over! Man, they were just going nuts! They were just tearing Loc apart! It was around this time that a little ditty started going through Loc's head. It went a little something like this: "AAAAAAAAAAAH GET 'EM OFF ME GET 'EM OFF ME AAAAAAAAAH NO, GET 'EM OFF, GET 'EM OFF, OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH GET 'EM OFF ME, OH MY GOD, AAAAAAAAAH". He ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels on his face, wavin' his arms around and just runnin' and runnin' and runnin' like a constipated weiner dog! And as luck would have it, that's exactly when Loc met the girl of his dreams; her name was Michelle. She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair that was a dark brownish colour I don't know fuck. Loc will never forget the first words she said to him, she said "take me home".

Mission 024: Flying Dog - Contact: Mike - Reward: Respect +, $500
Mike and Loc want to win the heart of Cindy, so they go to the bar. Paul Gilbert's there, and is like "I only like guys who win the-rap competitioun". Loc and Mike compete against eachother to win the-rap comepitioun. Loc must score over 1,000,000 points with his rhymes (using the Official San Andreas Chronicles Microphone, sold seperately, batteries not included). Afterward, Loc rushes up to Paul Gilbert, fsjaling. Paul Gilbert scornfully turns to Loc, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Paul Gilbert hops into Mike's arms, and they drive off into the sunset. Then Michelle's like "sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue; sweet home Alabama, lord I'm comin' home to you; oh, take me home".

Mission 025: Giant Life - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, WAL*MART opens
Fyllour wants to open the gates of hell, so he sends Loc to Pizza Hut to pick up some breadsticks. Loc hops into his Super GT and drives to WAL*MART to get the rubbing alcohol. However, the enployees at Target say they're out of staple guns. Loc tempts them with gravity itself. The man's like "sir i don't think this is appropriate", so Loc throws in a gel pen keychain. The man starts sweating, but politely declines. Loc re-ups the ante with a potato chip, which proves to be too much temptation for the man. He gives Loc TOBAR'S NEW TOY, EIFION™, and Loc runs out the door. Loc hops into his Super GT, but his clothes spontaneously combust, causing the nitro in the car to become stuck in the "ON" position! Loc must drive carefully with the nitrous fully activated to avoid spilling any sunflower seeds out of the crate on the roof of the car! Halfway to Fyllour's house, a gang of clowns attempts to steal the cotton candy on Loc's roof! Loc must slap them with a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle while driving and attempting to stay in a position where his indecency will not show! Loc returns to Fyllour with the hedge clyppours, and then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 026: What is This I Don't Even - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, hamburger costume
Loc walks into Fyllour's house. It's dark. Loc's like "hello", and something knocks him unconcious! Loc wakes up outside the house, and goes back in. Fyllour's like "hey Loc I enrolled you in walking school". So Loc goes to Dancin' School and gets a Goulde Meddoule in every challenge. However, in order to graduate from Cooking School, Loc must find a working baseball. Loc drives to Binco and asks if they have any grey t-shirts. The man at the counter says that they are out of pink paisley cargo pants. Loc thanks the man and walks outside. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into the Silph Co. tower, grabbing the Mastour Ball as he goes. Loc then parachutes onto the roof of the Donut-Eating School, where he presents the commitee with the papour towels, and they tell Loc to meet them out back. Loc goes out back, where the commitee surrounds him with baseball bats! They say "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and steal Loc's lunch money! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 027: So Academy So Award So - Contact: Fyllour - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Fyllour is presenting the twenty-sixth annual Academy Awards! Loc takes him to the location of the ceremony, but Fyllour realises he left the statuettes at home! Loc rushes back to Fyllour's house while Fyllour distracts the crowd by flying a plane into Academy Awards Towour whilist doing magic tricks! Loc arrives at CJ's house and grabs the Hookshot. Loc hopes into CJ's Dodo and attempts to airdrop the rice pilaf into Wembley Stadium, but the US Army is trying to shoot him down! Loc parachutes into The Sweet's boat and they boat-boat over to Detroit, where The Sweet looks straight at Loc and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc runs to the Gant Bridge and chucks the violin at Fyllour! Fyllour fumbles the chalk, and Loki disassymilates from the ground and grabs the paste! Loc sighs and says "here we go again", and dives into the wormhole after Loki! Loc lands in a graveyard and sees Loki digging up Samuel's grave! Loc fires his nine at Loki, but Loki dodges! Loc runs and tackles Loki, and Loki's face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Loc is stunned for a moment, and that moment is all Loki needs. Loki runs away, and Loc is thrown to the Los Santos Forum, where he gives Fyllour the tongs. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 028: Quite Alright - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, scoped shotgun
CJ is concerned with the growing obesity rates in the children of Los Santos. He gives Loc a scoped shotgun and tells him to go to the top of Super-Okay Tower and take care of this problem. Loc goes to Shopkeepour's store to buy some tower-climbing gear, but Shopkeepour refuses, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc offers Shopkeepour fifty cents and a lemon-scented candle for the gear, and Shopkeepour accepts. Loc then drives his Super GT to Super-Okay Tower and proceeds to climb it. Loc takes aim at some obese children, and opens fire! Suddently, a plane flies into Super-Okay Tower! Loc falls off the edge, and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 029: Mission Where Loc Does Heroic Stuff - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Harvey Kinkle
CJ wishes to acquire some games for his PS3. As Loc exits CJ's house, CJ puts on his coolface. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Mojave Desert. Loc treks through the desert on a horse with no name for about an hour, then the horse turns to him and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". The horse then bucks Loc off of him. Loc treks through the desert on foor for three whole days. On the fourth day, Loc passes out from dehydration. Gwonam finds Loc and takes him to his hut; he wakes Loc by waving dry box under Loc's nose, causing him to spring up and eat the dry box. Loc inquires as to the whereabouts of the PS3 games, and Gwonam uses his crystal ball to determine that the PS3 has no games! Loc swears revenge on CJ, but Gwonam tosses Loc into his private jet and flies him over the Pacific Ocean. Gwonam kicks Loc out of the plane, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Gwonam's plane then crashes into a tower. Loc swims to the shore of Verona Beach, and rushes to Harvey's garage for a battering ram with which to infiltrate Bowser's castle. Harvey and Loc affix the battering ram to the top of Harvey's Blista Compact and ram through the gate! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 030: Union - Contact: Harvey Kninkle - Reward: Respect +
Harvey has started a petition to increase wages for lawyers. Loc takes the petition and gives it to all of his friends to sign. Loc and Harvey then go to Washington D.C. to give the petition to congress. However, once there, they find that Barry Manilow has taken over the city! Loc and Harvey form a resistance group to oppose Barry Manilow, and proceed to storm the White House! They take out all of Barry Manilow's guards, then storm his office and politely ask him to step down. Barry Manilow refuses, so Loc offers him a copy of David Boogie's debut album, Boogie All Night Long for, signed by Fyllour. The temptation proves too much for Barry Manilow, and he gives Loc the deed to Joe Satriani's house. Harvey turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". He then hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into the Washington Monument. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 031: Truncuation - Contact: Harvey Kinkle - Reward: Respect +
Harvey wants to form a Little League team! However, he doesn't know any local children! Loc gets into Harvey's white van and offers neighbourhood children candy, at which point Phyllyp grabs them and conscripts them into the team. After conscripting eleven children, a rival Little League team, the Derpwood Dodongoes, starts pelting the can with harlequin foetus! Fraibel takes the wheel, and Loc must chuck shoe at the nurses before one of the children hanging off the side of the van gets harlequin foetus in his eye! Once the anthropologists are defeated, James Hetfield's like "take me home". After which, Loc must deliver the children to Harvey, at which point Michelle's like "gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home; gramma take me home".

Mission 032: Disorientation - Contact: Harvey Kinkle - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Norm
Loc walks into Harvey's house, and finds Harvey slumped on the floor. Anne's lifeless corpse is lying beneath him. A single tear streams down Harvey's cheek. Loc gives Harvey the moist towelette, and Harvey starts crying, saying "i don't want to be a roman". Loc looks at Harvey with scorn in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and Harvey retorts "NO U". Loc runs off crying, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 033: One Man, One Vision - Contact: Norm - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Jim Root
Norm wants to be a useless piece of shit all day and play these videogames! Loc's like "I just wanna play videogames YAHURR" and Norm kicks him out of his house! Jim Root calls Loc and tells him that Disturbed are in the Tower Hotel nearby. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Burger Shot across the street from the Tower Hotel. Loc plants C4s at all of Burger Shot's main supports, and detonates them! The police surround the ruins of the Burger Shot, but the Burger Shot ruse... was a DISTACTION. Loc has the car. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies into Tower Hotel. Loc parachutes out, and must land in the centre of the marker for more points! Loc then does a barrel roll and drives to Norm's house. Norm falls down the stairs, and Loc's like "I TOLD YOU DOG I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO". Then Michelle's like "take me home (or else)".

Mission 034: The Evil That Men Do - Contact: Jim Root - Reward: Respect +, Contact: CJ
Loc walks quietly through the halls of the hotel Slipknot are staying at. Loc quickly opens the door to the storage closet, and kicks down the secret panel. He cautiously steps forward, and Jim Root appears from behind him! Loc activates his lightsabre, and says "my name is OG Loc; you killed my fathour; prepare to die". Loc charges at Jim Root, who deflects his swings, and calmly says to Loc "I AM your fathour". Loc is shocked at the news, and Jim Root uses this opportunity to poke him with a stick! This causes Loc distress, and Loc presses the button on his collar to have Shopkeepour beam him up! However, Shopkeepour also beams Jim Root up because he "thought it would be funny". Loc tackles Jim Root, and Jim Root's face melts away to reveal... Jim Root! Loc is stunned, and Jim Root uses this opportunity to escape! Shopkeepour looks Loc straight in the eyes, and sighs, saying "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". He hits the ejectour button, and Loc falls into a plane! Loc comandeers the plane, and flies it straight into Slipknot Tower! Loc then parachutes into the centre of the marker for more points! After acquiring points, Loc does a barrel roll, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 035: Bustin' Out - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, bridges to San Fierro and its badlands open, Curse of Dragon
CJ has invented the bicycle! He puts Kendl's baby into the seat on the back of the bicycle, and Loc hops on. CJ hops into his Super GT and has Loc follow him to the starting line. Once there, Loc must execute a series of jumps, dodging wrecking balls and spikes to reach the final jump, at which point Loc must eject from the bicycle, grab Kendl's baby, and dunk it into the hoop to open the tunnel downwards! Loc succeeds, and falls into the chasm! However, the chasm is very deep, and Loc doesn't have a parachute! Loc thinks fast, and grabs his deck. He plays the first card he draws, which is Curse of Dragon! He summons it to the field, and it carries him down to the bottom quickly and safely. However, Curse of Dragon lifts off and is sent hurdling into a tower! Loc and Tyrone light a torch and explore the tunnel, eventually finding a door. They open the door, and just past it is Tyrone's mother, naked! Tyrone kills himself, and Loc carries his body through the tunnel to bury it in the Los Sepulcros cemetary. CJ then grabs Loc, and chucks him across the river to the badlands of San Fierro, where Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 036: Gargantuan Nights - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $50, cricket bat
One of Groove Street's Prack dealers hasn't been working his designated Prack-dealing area! CJ sends Loc to go and get him. Loc calls Joe Lynn Turner, who hops into CJ's Dodo and flies around giving Loc clues as to where the Prack dealer is while Loc drives around in his Super GT! Joe Lynn Turner spots the dealer, and banks a hard right, crashing into a nearby tower! Eventually, Loc finds the dealer, and beats him up with a cricket bat and stuffs him in an overly large sack! Loc throws the sack into the ocean, and Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 037: BIG NAKED - Contact: CJ - Reward: Respect +, $50, Zip and Target open, Contacts: Toni Cipriani, Little EctoDevil, Big EctoDevil
CJ tells Loc that the dealer never reported in after his dealings! Loc hops into his Super GT and drives to San Fierro, where he finds a Sindacco thug attacking Geoff! Loc puts on his rescuing-Geoff pants, but just as he's about to leap into action, Toni Cipriani beats the Sindacco to a pulp with a giant, inflatable television remote! Toni turns to Loc with a fire in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Toni hops into Loc's Super GT, and takes Loc to his base in San Fierro, which just happens to be Little and Big Devils' old hideout. The memories come flooding back to Loc, and he collapses to the ground and starts crying. The ghosts of the two Devils come out and are all like "hey", and Loc's like "hey". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 038: Cargo Pants - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +
Toni has found Geddy Lee and strapped him to the top of his private jet. Loc hops in and raises Geddy Lee's scare meter to its maximum by doing barrel rolls and the like. Once sufficiently terrified, Geddy Lee tells Loc of the location of the Napkin of Coming Up with a Plan to Run the Sindaccos Out of San Andreas! Loc tells Geddy Lee that he will allow Geddy Lee to escape if he gives up singing forever. Suddenly, Geddy Lee's face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Loki runs away, and Loc gets so caught up in swearing his revenge on Carlous that his plane flies right into a tower! Loc hops onto a nearby NRG-500 and ramps over a picket line of Drake Bell impersonators on strike for higher wages! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 039: LOOK AT ME - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +, lightsabre, muffler scarf
Loc walks into Toni's hideout, and Toni's like "hey", and Loc notices that Toni is holding Stouourt hostage! Loc demands that Toni let Stouourt go, but Toni just produces a Single-Action Army revolver, and says "this gun is the best gun ever", and runs off, leaving Loc to deal with an army of Tripfags riding harlequin foetus wolves! Afterward, Loc runs after Toni, and meets up with twenty angry Regenouratours who challenge him to a dance-off! Loc must score 2,000,000 points on Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" in order to proceed. Loc rushes into the chamber where Toni has Stouourt. Loc readies his shoe, a single tear streaming down his face. Loc chucks the shoe at Toni, who dives out of the way, sending the shoe careening into Stouourt! Stouourt collapses to the ground, a final tear produced from his near lifeless body. Stouourt uses his final breaths to say to Loc "I Can't Believe You Let Brian Die, Man". Loc collapses to the ground, and yells "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". Loc pulls out his lightsabre and charges at Toni, chopping him in half diagonally. Loc deactivates his lightsabre and rushes over to Stouourt's body, and stuffs it in a giant blender. Loc then treks to the top of Mt. Doom, where he throws the ring into the lava. Loc hops onto his NRG, and rides down the mountain, where he meets Stouourt! Stouourt needs to pick up some drycleaning, so he hops onto Loc's bike, as Loc would do nearly anything for Big Smoke's son. Loc and Stouourt ride to Unity Station, where the drycleaning train is already taking off! Loc drives alongside the train so Stouourt can get a good shot off on the laundrymen. Once they're all killed, Stouourt turns to Loc with a raging inferno in his eyes and says "The Game". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 040: I Have You Now - Contact: Toni Cipriani - Reward: Respect +, $5, Odd Jobs: pizza delivery
Toni's all like "check out my doubles", but he gets triples instead! Toni runs off, embarassed, and Loc chases after him! Loc dodges all the harlequin foetus Toni is chucking at him, but Toni dives into his room and locks the door! Loc throws Petour at the door, but Toni's gone! Loc follows a trail of Steelheart CDs to an obstacle course! Loc must deliver fifteen pizzas in under two minutes. The last delivery is to Toni, who looks Loc straight in the eyes, a single tear streaming down his cheek; he says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Toni then hops into his Shit Car and drives into a tree. Loc must use his remaining time to get back to the pizza parlour in Vinewood, where Mr. Aziz is so happy that Loc completed his deliveries that he flies a plane into a tower! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 041: Wolseley Heights [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Big Devil shoos Loc out of the ghost of Little Devil's safehouse for being "embarassing to be seen with", so the ghost of Little Devil takes Loc to get some new clothes and a haircut. Loc doesn't see what the big problem is, seeing as Big and Little Devil are now ghosts, and points this out to the ghost of Little Devil. The ghost of Little Devil starts crying and says "are you racist against ghosts", and Loc denies this statement. The ghost of Little Devil kicks Loc out of the car and drives off. Former American Idol contestant Clay Aiken sees Loc and asks for a picture of the two together. However, Loc doesn't have a camera! Loc hops into CJ's Dodo and flies to the Pentagon, where they're working on a high-tech spy-camoura. Suddenly, Shopkeepour fires a heat-seeking roquette at CJ's Dodo! Loc must parachute into the marker for more points! Loc sneaks into the room where it's being held, and accidentally the alarm! A squad of unknown catalyst knights storm the room, and Loc must defeat them all with his silenced shotgun, soas not to wake up Fyllour, who will call the police if awoken. Loc flies back to Clay, and takes the picture, at which point, Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 042: Scribble [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, 9mm pistol
The ghost of Big Devil and the ghost of Little Devil decide to blast some fools with Loc's help, so they give Loc a nine. The ghost of Little Devil drives around San Fierro, while Loc and the ghost of Big Devil blast some Rifa. As they pass Starbucks, a Rifa throws a grenade at the car! Loc and the Rifa then proceed to blast some civilians. After a few minutes of this, Loc and the Rifa skip through the corpse-littered streets. Kaiba Corp doesn't take too kindly to this skipping business, and runs over Ferris! Loc hops into his Super GT, and drives away from the Kaiba Corp goons like a man who has a disease which prevents him from not-driving away from the Kaiba Corp goons! A Kaiba Corp snypour shoots at Loc from atop Sears, and the bullet hits Loc right between the eyes! The snypour curses his luck, as he only brought one bullet. Loc's Super GT spins out of control into the side of an oil tankour, causing it to explode, reducing the Super GT and all its contents to ash. All of the Kaiba Corp vehicles drive into the blast radius unwittingly, and are instantly killed. Loc drives up the side of Sears, and parks beside the snypour. Loc opens his door like a mad man, and the synpour falls to the ground. Loc stands over the snypour, and says "this is for Chet", and blasts him. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 043: Scrumpadoceous [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Big Devil is bored, so he and the ghost of Little Devil inform Loc of their plan to rob Burger Shot. Loc regretfully informs the ghosts that Burger Shot was bought out by Justin Timberlake. Justin Timberlake's spies go on high alert, and send in the British Grand Imperial Army. Loc web-swings to Justin's mansion, and crashes through the window. A Jane Fonda excercise tape is playing, but Justin is nowhere to be found. All of a sudden, the video shifts to Liam Gallagher! Steve Harris says he has kidnapped Justin, and taunts Loc. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo, and crashes into a tower, parachuting into the roof of Scott Stapp's laboratory, where he finds Jeff Mangum torturing Justin! Loc says "let Justin go, you freak", and Eddie Vedder replies "no I need his power". Loc challenges Krist Novoselic to a dance-off. Meatloaf happily accepts, and mocks Loc for challenging best dancer in the land. Loc sweats, as he knows that Glenn Hughes's moves are indeed the sweetest in the land. Despite this, Loc knows what must be done. Loc puts his years of training to the test by scoring 12 points, enough to stun Roger Daltrey with his moves. After successfully stunning Joe Walsh, Loc chucks harlequin foetus at Zakk Wylde, which causes Joe Perry to stumble back, blinded. Gilby Clarke then falls into a vat of acid, and Loc takes Justin to the top of Mount Chiliad. The two confess their love, and passionately kiss under the moonlight. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 044: Black (Black) [1993 Remix] - Contact: Big Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, Odd Jobs: tagging, nurse
The ghost of Big Devil is up in arms about Groove Street's tags being sprayed over. He and Loc hop into Loc's Super GT, and head for the tags. However, the Rifa are patrolling the area with all of the sprayed-over tags! The ghost of Big Devil drives by each tag location, and Loc must spray the intricacies of CJ's proud perfectly onto the wall! After spraying five-hundred tags this way, Loc unleashes the giant shoe dragon, and must parachute into the marker for more points! Barney the dinosaur is there to welcome him into the land of it, and says "if you're ever in the land of it again, give me a call". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 045: Fountain (in My Pants) [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, sniper rifle, Contact: Regis Philbin
The ghost of Little Devil wants to spruce up the hideout. He decides the best course of action is to steal the fountain in San Fierro plaza, so he and Loc hop into Loc's Super GT and drive towards the plaza, when, all of a sudden, they're attacked by a flock of Spearow! Loc hops on top of his Super GT, and lies down to snipe the Spearow while the ghost of Little Devil drives around aimlessly. After defeating seven-hundred Spearow without letting any get past or falling off the Super GT, Emeril grabs Loc's Supter GT with a magnet! Loc leaps off of his Supter GT, dodging wrecking balls and gunfire, and lands in CJ's Dodo right as it passes by! Loc must fire his sleeping pill rifle at Emeril's Salamence while CJ ducks and dodges its devestating hyper beams! Eventually, Loc causes it to fall asleep, but it's about to fall on the San Fierro Awards Depot! Loc's like "not the awards", and quickly jumps out of CJ's Dodo and lands in the marker for more points! Loc quickly knits an effigy of Taylor Hanson, which the Salamence falls on, saving the awards depot. Regis Philbin approaches Loc while dodging Grimace's devastating helicopter blasts, and offers him a spot on Who Wants to be a Millionare, which Loc greedily accepts. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 046: Fundraiser! In the Thunder and Heat! [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, $200
Since stealing the fountain itself fell through, Loc and the ghost of Little Devil decide to buy the fountain. While the ghost of Little Devil whores himself for money, Loc hops on Gerry's BMX and takes to the skies to get $2,000,000 in insane stunt bonuses! After achieving this feat, Wezlie congratulates Loc, and gives him $200 and a six-star wanted level! Loc thanks Brendounne, then hops back on the BMX and pedals away to the hideout, careful not to dismount the BMX, as Shopkeepour would snipe him were that to happen! Loc gets to the door of the hideout, and leaps off the BMX, landing in the back of Loukess's pick-up. The ghost of Little Devil congratulates Loc for making them $200, but says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man" with despair searing in his eyes. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 047: Burgle King [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Little Devil tells Loc to steal some shit from this house. It's pretty nice; not too nice, though. Loc runs to the kitchen, and sees a regenerator! Loc sprints to Geromy's van, and dives in the back. Courtys stomps on the gas, and Loc shoots at the regenerator until they get to the LEGO corporation building, where they go in through the secret passage in back using Fyllour's spare LEGO corporation secret passage key. Loc, Mark Arm and Nate Mendel fight their way through the dungeon, fighting off waves of goombas, until they get to the LEGO corporation president's office. The LEGO corporation president stares out the window at the burning city, a single tear streaming down his face. The LEGO corporation president whispers "what have I done", and points a Steelheart CD at his mouth. Loc winces, and when he looks up, the LEGO corporation president is on the ground, blood pouring out of his mouth. Loc rushes over to the LEGO corporation president's desk, and grabs the infra-red scope. Loc grabs Cheryl and repels down the collapsing building, but the rapel point gives way, and Loc must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! At the ground, the regenerator looks at Loc and gives a pretty menacing stare; not too menacing, though. Loc grabs his nine, but a bullet pierces the regenerator's skull! Reaver steps out from behind the smoke. Loc stares at Reaver with hatred burning in his very soul. Reaver stares at Loc with a fire burning in his eyes, twirls his revolver on his finger, and walks away, revolver twirling all the while. Reaver stops, revolver pointed in the air, turns his head towards Loc, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 048: Babe, I Got You, Babe [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +, giant net spawns at Loc's house
The ghost of Little Devil informs Loc of a women party in Portugal. Loc drives to Portugal, and infiltrates the party dressed as a clown. Loc must score 1,000,000 points in balloon animal-making, so Travis can get Michigan's truck to the party, and Shopkeepour can go to WAL*MART to buy the giant net. After scoring 1,000,000 points, Travis crashes Kentucky's truck through the side of the building, and Shopkeepour rounds up all the women in the giant net. Martin betrays the group and calls the cops! Loc pulls out his nine, but Shopkeepour stops him, saying it's not worth it. Loc sheds a single tear at the betrayal, and the police surround the house. Loc leaps onto Montana's truck with Shopkeepour and Travis, while Martin drives. The four have to get the women back to the hideout with a six-star wanted level, staying balanced on top of Wyoming's truck, while taking out the cops, who are firing their PEZ uzis. Loc must dive in front of the pez streams each time the indicator pops up to avoid the untimely death of Shopkeepour or Travis. When they arrive back at the hideout, Ieyouanne runs out with an RPG-7 and fires at the women! Ieyouanne looks Loc straight in the eyes, and says "I stole the cookie from the", and Loc fires his nine, blowing Ieyouanne's brains out. Travis thanks Loc for his help dealing with the ravaging pedestrian hordes, and his face melts away to reveal... LOKI! Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 049: Get on Your Bikes and Ride [1993 Remix] - Contact: Little Ecto-Devil - Reward: Respect +
The ghost of Little Devil has entered Loc in a bicycle race! Loc exits out the back room and chucks his bike at the ghost of Little Devil, saying "I don't WANT to be a cyclist! I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my biiiiiiiiiiiike; I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it", puts on his not-hopping-into-a-pick-up suit and hops into Indiana's pick-up truck. Larry drives Loc around San Fierro aimlessly, while Loc sits in the back of the truck reading a magazine. Loc must score 15,675 points exactly in the magazine-reading minigame, or Fraibel will rub Denver Post all his own naked body! Then Michelle's like take me home.

Mission 050: Nintendin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Shopkeepour
Regis lost his Gameboy on some planet in space! Loc runs two laps around Groove Street, and Jeanette teleports him to Mourcourie! On Mourcourie, Loc asks Brian May if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, and Brian May's like "who". Loc is teleported back to Earth, and runs to Los Sepulcros, where he meets Tetra. Loc makes $100,000 whoring himself out on the streets of Los Santos, and launches himself to Vienous in Tetra's cannon. On Vienous, Loc asks Shoeless Bill if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, but Shoeless Bill is all like "who stop making people up", and chucks Loc to Earth. Loc then rests until midnight, and goes to the Panopticon, where he finds a giant trampoline. Loc plugs his controller into controller port two, and bounces to Mars. On Mars, Loc asks the Prince of Wales if he's seen Regis's Gameboy, but the Prince of Wales wants to do combat with Loc one last time. He chucks a cutlass at Loc, and Loc hacks at him until he falls to the ground. Loc catches the Prince of Wales, who is coughing up blood. A single tear streams down Loc's cheek, and he says "why". The Prince of Wales takes off his pendant and places it in Loc's hand, a single tear streaming down his face. The Prince of Wales looks into Loc's eyes one final time, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", before closing his eyes and going limp in Loc's arms. Loc looks up to the skies and swears revenge on Orange for killing his mentor. Loc falls back to Earth, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Loc runs back to Los Santos, and must webswing from Groove Street to Angel Pine in under three minutes without hitting anything or touching the ground, after which, Fyllour gives Loc the gloves, which allow him to jump to Joupytour. On Joupytour, Loc finds Anne Frank and Goku, who are all like "do you mind", so Loc leaps back to Earth. Loc drives around San Andreas aimlessly, and Harold gives him a go-to-Satourn potion! Loc ingests the potion, and is taken to Satourn, where he finds Will Smith. Will Smith challenges Loc to a rap battle, so Loc puts on his rap battle hat, and stuns Will Smith with his rhymes. Will Smith gives Loc the orb of going-back-to-Earth, and Loc uses it to teleport back to Earth. Loc runs to Shopkeepour's grocery shop, and buys a piano. Loc loads the piano into his bicycle basket, and pedals to Shopkeepour's house, where he plays Ode to Joy for Shopkeepour. Shopkeepour then sells Loc a ticket to the carnival. Loc hops onto the ferris wheel, and rides it to Eoureynnoul. On Eoureynnoul, Loc asks Shopkeepour if he's seen Regis's Gameboy. Shopkeepour sells Loc the "find Regis's Gameboy" machine, and Loc goes back to Earth. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo, and flies into the Extreme Biography tower. The executives of Extreme Biography give Loc wings, which he uses to fly to Neptounne. On Neptounne, Loc uses the dousing rod to find Liam Gallagher, who says to Loc, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc is thrust back to Earth. Loc takes out the Official San Andreas Chronicles Microphone (batteries not included), and sings Roy Orbison's Cryin'. After keeping perfect pitch, Loc is so moved by Loc's performance that he rockets up to Ploutou, where he finds the Gameboy. Loc returns to Regis, and says "Ploutou isn't a planet", and Regis puts on his coolface. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 051: Dependin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +, Scott Stapp costume, Contact: Michelle
Regis tells Loc that Milton owes Mickey the Milkman protection money. Loc runs to the construction site and steals a bulldozer. Loc drives the bulldozer to Bradley's house, and proceeds to bulldoze it. Loc hops out of the bulldozer, and dusts his hands off. Craig then takes Loc at harlequin foetuspoint, and forces him to buy the land. Craig and Loc then hop into Rachael's sedan, and drive off to the military base off the coast of Los Santos, and fight through waves of soldiers using their baguettes. Loc and Craig steal the sky crane, and fly to the Prince of Wales' house, which they lift off the ground, sending the Prince of Wales tumbling out of the upstairs window in just his towel. The Prince of Wales curses Orange while Loc and Craig fly off with his house. Loc drops the house on the vacant lot, and Scott Stapp moves in. Loc then proceeds to fly the sky crane into Pretty-Good Tower. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 052: Lockin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +
Regis tells Loc that he's been promoted! Loc leaps into the air and plays a powerchord, and Regis tosses him the keys to his new lockour. Loc goes to the location of his new lockour, and realises its number is 666. Loc starts to sweat uncontrolably, his hand trembling as he reaches out for the lockour-openour thing. Loc rests his hand on the aforementioned thing, and pulls up on it. It's no use, so Loc takes out his lockpicking set. Loc must score 1,000,000 points in the lockpicking minigame for the lock to unlatch. The lockour opens, and inside it is a shoe! Loc's like "well this isn't so bad", and chucks the shoe at Jeremiah. Jeremiah turns into a vortex to hell itself, and sucks Loc into him. Loc hurtles through time and space, eventually reaching the president of hell's office. The president of hell introduces himself as Len, and invites Loc to the national national convention convention. Loc and Len drive to the convention, and see that the convention hall is on fire! Loc rushes in, and sees corpses everywhere! Svart is lying in a pool of blood. Loc runs over to him, and cups his head in his arms. Loc's like "who did this to you", and Svart's like "the Italians", to which Loc replies "fuck". Loc swears revenge on the Italians, but Svart shakes his head, and says that their grandfather died so that neither of them would have to go down the path of vengeance. A single tear streams down Loc's cheek. Svart asks Loc to let him look into his eyes, as Loc's eyes were the same as his mother's. Loc and Svart stare deeply into eachother's eyes. The sun rises, and Svart smiles, glad that he can feel the warm sun on his skin one last time. Svart leans up into Loc's ear, and whispers "The Game". Svart goes limp in Loc's arms, one final tear streaming down his face. Loc cries over the corpse of his only living relative. Loc exits the convention centre, and Len gives Loc the money to erect a giant statue of Svart in the middle of Groove Street. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 053: Washin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +, Hamlet costume, Contact: Kung-Fu Chad
Regis has lost his bar of soap! Regis sweeps a curtain aside and reveals a wormhole! Loc leaps into the wormhole, and is passed by a dog with a plunger. The wormhole spits Loc out, and he arrives in a village. The gate has "ARIAN" written on it in big letters. There are loads of shops open, apparently for the Thursday Market. Loc heads into the item shop, and is greeted by a man wearing nothing but a loincloth with "HII" written on it. Loc looks through the man's wares, and finds a yellow walkie talkie that piques his interest. Loc searches his pockets, and realises he doesn't have any local currency! Dejected, Loc sulks back outside the shop, and proceeds to FC Green Grass and High Tides on expert guitar. Afterward, the Mighty Helo Mam appears, and is like "nice shredding". As a reward, the Mighty Helo Mam walks into the item shop and slaughters loincloth man, and gives Loc the yellow walkie talkie. Loc uses his yellow walkie talkie to contact Shopkeepour, and is like "I have a yellow walkie talkie", and Shopkeepour's like "old". Loc runs off crying, and slips on Regis's bar of soap! Loc must hit the on-screen triggers to land on his feet. Loc continues searching for Regis's bar of soap, eventually stumbling across Lake Poen. However, Loc notices that Lake Poen is gone! Loc sees Veronica riding away with Lake Poen on horseback! Loc's like "bring back Lake Poen (or else)", and Veronica's like "NO U", so Loc hops into his broom broom car and chases after Veronica! Loc must get close to Veronica and poke her until her annoyance guage reaches its maximum! After 95 pokes, Veronica's like "let's see how you like getting poked... by PEZ" in a rather menacing tone, pulls out her PEZ uzi and starts firing at Loc! Loc pulls out his Steelheart CD, and rides past Veronica, and hits her with the Steelheart CD, knocking her off her horse! Loc hops out of his broom broom car, and points his Steelheart CD at Veronica, who's like "wait wait if you spare me I'll return the lake and give you an avatar award". Sweat starts pouring down Loc's face. Loc makes his decision to either drive the Steelheart CD down onto Veronica's head with all his might or to spare Veronica, and takes Lake Poen back to where it belongs. Loc then runs to Noeth, where he finds the Mighty Helo Mam cheating on his wife! Loc must then score 900,000 points in the stopping-the Mighty Helo Mam-from-cheating-on-his-wife minigame, which forces the Mighty Helo Mam's hand. The Mighty Helo Mam says "I am the ultimate warrior; you cannot defeat me", and Loc's like "great". The Mighty Helo Mam grabs Loc by the hand, and the two engage in a passionate rendition of William Shakespearre's Hamlet. The entire town of Noeth gather around, cheer and throw confetti and tink their arsenic glasses in celebration at this momentous occasion. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 054: Findin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +, aeroplane costume
Regis tells Loc to go to the grocery store and pick up some tomato paste. Loc hops into CJ's Dodo, and flies straight into Grocery Tower! As Loc enters the grocery store, quickly locating the cereal aisle, and looks at their selection of tievie dynnours. Loc quickly figures out the brevity of the choice he has to make, and quickly comes to the realisation that the selection has too many prices and values! Loc storms off to the men's bathroom to give Janitour a piece of his, when he finds the manager standing next to a giant blendour! The manager chucks Nancy into the giant blendour, and Loc quickly shoots the plug, causing it to whip the manager in the back of the head! Loc steps to the manager's unconcious body, ready to fire one final bullet into the manager's skull, when he is suddenly knocked unconcious! Loc wakes up in a governemntie interrogation room. All around him, Loc hears nothing but Whitesnake's "Fool for Your Loving '80". The manager and Nancy walk in, Nancy's face melting away to reveal... LOKI! The manager greets Loc, saying "it's good to see you again, Loc, or should I say... BROTHER". Loc gasps; a single tear streaming down his face, as he knows this is his long-lost brother, Col (voiced by Cam Clarke). Col turns on the faucet, and Loc winces. Loc must hammer at the right trigger to avoid peeing himself, and having Col mock him, or worse, call him not-that-cool. Loc hammers the right trigger 25,000,000 times, all without letting the need-a-pee gauge reach max. "Brother, when our mother and father produced us, a set of twins, certain genes were inherited by each of us. However, these genes were far from identical, brother. One of us two got far superior genes, brother. Through years of research, costing millions of pounds, brother, I have determined that YOU were the one who gained the superior genes, BROTHER" "great" "BROTHER" Col begins to sweat, however, a smirk appears on Loc's face, as he knows Col's weakness. Col's blood boils, and Col yells "BROTHER". Col starts spitting at Loc's feet, and continues spitting at Loc's feet until he dies of dehydration. Loc looks at Col's corpse, and sighs. There is no time for remorse, however, as the building is still on fire! Loc grabs Nancy, and sprints out of the burning building, grapples onto the building across the street, and uses his hookshot to swing to safety, the building collapsing behind him. Loc swings up to the roof, and must parachute into the marker for more points! Nancy looks at Loc and smiles, a single tear streaming down her cheek. She says to Loc in a hushed tone, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 055: Strippin' - Contact: Regis Philbin - Reward: Respect +, strip mine, Contact: Reynieerre
Regis tells Loc of a strip mine up for sale. Loc drops his glass of arsenic, and sprints to the strip mine in the Badlands. Loc rushes to the owners office to buy the property and kicks down the door, but is suddenly halted when the owner grabs his crotch! "You're... a man?!" "sure why not" "great" "great" Loc must score 1,000,000 points in the crotch-grabbing minigame with the Official San Andreas Chronicles Crotch-Grabbing Glove (sold seperately) to obtain the deed from the owner! Loc stares down at the owner, his eyes blazing with fury. The owner stares at his hands, defeated. Loc pulls out his nine, and says "this is for Brett". Loc unloads his nine into the owner's skull. Loc turns to Reynieerre, who explains the finer points of strip mining to Loc. Suddenly, Reynieerre spins around on one heel, and tackles Loc through the window. Loc falls through the roof of Burgour Shot. Loc proceeds to buy and eat every piece of food in the establishment because he "thought it would be funny". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 056: 1993/10/15 - Contact: Shopkeepour - Reward: Respect +
Loc climbs to the top of Shopkeepour's used contraception shop, and enters the shop through the ventilation system, rapelling down into Shopkeepour's living room. Shopkeepour rushes to the living room, and takes out his custom silenced shotgun. Shopkeepour chucks his custom silenced shotgun at Phyllyppe, killing him instantly. Loc dives for the light switch, and all of Shopkeepour's friends leap out and yell "NECROPHELIA". A smile forms on Shopkeepour's face, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Shopkeepour rushes to Tad's side, and embraces him. Shopkeepour opens all his presents, but doesn't find one from Loc! Shopkeepour stares at the floor in disbelief, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Shopkeepour's own father didn't get him a present. Loc chucks harlequin foetus at Shopkeepour, bliding him. Loc tackles Shopkeepour, and chucks him at the Shopkeepourmobile. Shopkeepour stands up, and Xzibit is all like "yo dawg we put a toaster in your car so you can toast while you drive". A smile forms on Shopkeepour's face, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 057: Burninate the - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, scoped shotgun, fake arms, Yorick's pick-up truck spawns at Varon's house
Craig welcomes Loc in for some tea, but Chuck gets a call saying the village is under attack! Tyrone tosses Loc a scoped shotgun, and Loc rushes outside to see Trogdor burninating the countryside! Loc hops into the bed of Zack's pick-up truck, and Darren drives around aimlessly while Loc tries to prevent Trogdor from burninating the peasants! Loc chucks harlequin foetus at Trogdor, blinding him. Trogdor misses the peasants, but burninates their THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES. Loc curses his luck, as he knows the peasants can't survive without their THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES. Loc hops into Vincent's cupped hands, and Alex chucks Loc at Trogdor! Trogdor grabs Loc with his arm, Loc struggles to free himself, but only manages to get his arms free. Unable to reach any harlequin foetus, Loc sighs, and says "I hope you like PEZ", and fires his PEZ uzi right into Trogdor's mouth! Trogdor drops Loc, and Loc whips out his sword. Loc charges at Trogdor, defeating him with one final lunge. James runs up to Loc, eyes aglow with animosity. Sam says to Loc with fire in his eyes, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 058: Debate the - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, Bob's Super GT spawns at Harlod's house
Craig wants to go bowling! Loc and Jeremy hop into Hectour's Super GT, and ride to the bowling alley, contemplating life and all its entrails on the way. Loc opens the door to the bowling alley and falls into Blue Hell! Loc falls for ages, but eventually meets the president of Blue Hell, Blen. Blen takes Loc at Steelheart CDpoint, and forces him to find the item. Loc follows the glowing trail, and finds The Child, holding the item! Loc asks The Child for the item, but The Child is all like "NO U", and hops into a plane! The Child takes off, and Loc hops into CJ's dodo and gives chase! The Child looks back, firing his PEZ uzi at CJ's dodo. Loc fires his minigun at The Child's plane, causing its engine to catch fire! Loc flies CJ's dodo over The Child's plane, and leaps onto its wing. The Child's plane explodes, and Loc rides the wing down to the ground like a surfboard. Loc must then parachute into the centre of marker for more points. Loc sifts through the wreckage, and finds the corpse of The Child. A single tear streams down Loc's face, and he pillages The Child's corpse. On it, Loc finds this month's issue of Anal Magazine and the item! Loc curses his luck, and chucks the item at Gregory, whose face melts away to reveal... MICHELLE! Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 059: Defend the - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, banana costume, James's boat spawns at Patryque's house
Craig welcomes Loc in for tea, when Adam gets a call saying that their shipping business is under attack! Loc hops into Jared's boat, and sails off in search of the brigands responsible. Loc eventually finds a blueish ship attacking Craig's business! Loc hops into a cannon and blasts himself at the ship! Loc overshoots his mark, and must swim to the blueish ship, avoiding sharks and pufferfish. Loc climbs aboard the blueish ship, and comes face-to-face with this guy. The guy turns to Loc, and says "My name is Guybrush Threepwood; prepare to die". Loc and Guybrush draw their swords. Their blades lock, and Loc says "you fight like a dairy farmer", to which Guybrush replies "how appropriate; you fight like a cow". Loc steps back, stunned. Guybrush uses this opportunity to turn to Loc, and say "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc stops, distracted, and Guybrush disarms him. Loc dives off of the ship, and swims to shore. Loc runs to CJ's house for training, but comes across a troll guarding the bridge! The troll orders Loc to pay the toll, but all Loc has is a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle! The troll sweats, but refuses, wanting something useless that will attract attention. Loc runs over to the bar, and grabs a fish, and gives it to the troll. The troll accepts, and Loc runs to CJ's house. CJ teaches Loc how to play croquet, and Loc triumphantly swims back to Guybrush's ship, and challenges him to a game of solitaire, using the Official San Andreas Chronicles Deck of Cards (sold seperately). The two solite hard, but Loc eventually comes out on top, beating Guybrush's score of 12,000,000. Guybrush stumbles back, clutching his chest, and falls backward, plunging into the ocean! Loc dives in after him, but Guybrush gets swallowed by a whale! Loc dives into the whale's mouth after him, and grabs Guybrush. Loc then pours his glass of arsenic into the whale's stomach, causing the whale to spit Loc and Guybrush out of his blowhole! Loc and Guybrush land in the badlands, but Guybrush is in critical condition from the jellyfish stings! Loc must carry Guybrush to his Super GT, and drive him to the hospital in under a minute, without hitting anything, or Guybrush will die from his wounds! Loc gets Guybrush to the hospital, and the hospitaliers put him in a stretcher, and take him to his room. Loc runs alongside the stretcher, a single tear streaming down his face. Guybrush turns to Loc, a single tear streaming down his face, and whispers "The Game". Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 060: Transform the - Contact: Michelle - Reward: Respect +, red shells
Craig welcomes Loc in to watch the big game. Loc is excited, and gives his jacket to Phyllyppe. Loc and Hasoup race to the couch, and Loc dives onto the leftmost seat. Loc crashes into the seat, causing the spring to launch him through the roof! Loc is falling through the air at an alarming rate, and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Loc pulls out his silenced shotgun and sneaks through the building, eventually coming upon some sort of party. Loc puts away his gun, and walks towards the giant gold chair at the end of the room, but accidentally into a guy wearing red! The guy stares at Loc with a fire in his eyes, and says "I can't believe you let Brian die, man", and Loc sweats, apologising profusely. The guards chuck Loc out of the palace, and Loc must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! Loc brushes himself off, and takes out his bag of red shells. Loc sneaks into the throne room and chucks a red shell. The red shell hits some creepy woman in purple, who spills Mountain Dew all over the emperor! Loc gasps in horror as the emperor is turned into a llama before his very eyes! A single tear streams down Loc's face, and Loc falls to the floor, defeated. Loc walks to the edge of the palace, sighs, and says "I'm sorry, Michelle". Loc dives off the building, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Loc hits the ground with a sickening crack, every bone in his body breaking, several bursting through the skin, causing Loc to bleed profusely for several minutes before finally running out of life-sustaining fluids. A single tear streams down Loc's lifeless face for the final time. Loc gasps for one last breath, every fibre of his essense straining to stay alive for just a moment longer. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 061: Wrong Side of the Tracks [1993 Remix] - Contact: Kung-Fu Chad - Reward: Respect +
Kung-Fu Chad tells Loc he needs to go on a business trip. Kung-Fu Chad hops aboard a train, and takes off. Judo Julian throws the conductor into the street and hijacks the train! CJ hops onto a dirtbike, Loc behind him shooting. CJ drives alongside the train, making it impossible for Loc to get a good shot. Loc must kill a hundred Vagos before the train reaches terminal velocity and blasts off into space! The terminal velcoity of the train opens a giant wormhole. The train disappears, but out from the wormhole steps Loc's long-lost friend, CJ! Loc embraces CJ, a single tear streaming down his face. The wormhole is rapidly closing, and a single tear streams down CJ's cheek. "loc i must get back to my family in my home country of alabama" CJ steps through the wormhole, and waves goodbye to his friend for the final time. Loc waves back, a single tear streaming down his cheek. Loc knows that he will never see CJ again, but realises that nothing can take his memories of CJ away. A single tear streams down Loc's face as he walks off into the sunset to find a new beginning. Michelle materialises and is like "take me home".

Mission 062: Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Contact: Kung-Fu Chad - Reward: Respect +
Kung-Fu Chad needs to go to Staples for a copy of Pokemon White. Loc drives him over to Staples, where Conrad Verner is sticking up the cashier! "i learned how to hold a gun in people's faces from... OG LOC?!" Conrad starts to sweat. Loc glares at him, a fire burning in his eyes. Conrad walks over to Loc, and whispers in his ear, "I can't believe you let Brian die, man". Loc is warped over to the harlequin foetus ship by Tim. Loc is surrounded by harlequin foetus knights. Loc points to the sky, and says "this adventure's gettin' crazy; let's love". Loc tries to turn on the jukebox, but fails. After several attempts, Loc smashes the jukebox, and Magical Lyrical Punch Chan Desu Kun starts playing! Loc uses the Devil Bringer to grab a harlequin foetus knight and slam him into the ground. Loc pulls out his PEZ uzis, and slides between a harlequin foetus knight's legs, and shoots the harlequin foetus knights on either side of him. Loc flips into the air, and sprays the harlequin foetus knights around him. Loc lands on the back of a harlequin foetus knight, and rides him around like a horsie, hacking away at the others. Loc flips into the air, and lands on the harlequin foetus knight, snapping his neck. Loc gasps, crushed. Loc holds the harlequin foetus knight in his arms, a single tear streaming down his face. The harlequin foetus knight smiles, and looks at Loc. He whispers into Loc's ear "adventure", and fades into nothing. Loc smashes the ground with his fists, a single tear streaming down his cheek. CJ puts his hand on Loc's shoulder and tells him everything will be all right. Then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 063: Headed for a Heartbreak - Contact: Kung-Fu Chad - Reward: Respect +
Kickboxing Algernon and his gang have surrounded Kung-Fu Chad's house! Kung-Fu Chad calls Loc, and tells him to hurry over, as they're trying to break down his door with a battering ram! Loc finishes his episode of Friends and takes a warm bath, then heads out. After stopping at Valero for gasoline and some Doritos, Loc gets to Kung-Fu Chad's house to find him missing! Jeff Mangum hands Loc a note that says "we have kung-fu chad", and Loc is like "new". Loc rushes to his car, and rigs up a bomb to motivate himself to get there sooner. Loc must reach Arkansas in two minutes, or his car will explode! Loc gets to Kickboxing Algernon's house, and knocks, but no one answers. Loc can hear talking inside, and says "how rude" under his breath. Kickboxing Algernon laughs, and says he's going to torture Kung-Fu Chad by listening to David Boogie's debut in front of him and not enjoying it. Loc gasps in horror just thinking about such torture. Kickboxing Algernon's goons burst through the door, and Loc dives behind his car and kills the goons. Loc sneaks into the house, and crawls through vents listening to guards' conversations, trying to locate the torture room key. Loc grabs the torture room key from the key rack, and kicks down sir door. Sir door lands on Kickboxing Algernon, killing him instantly. Loc breathes a sigh of relief, for he has avenged his long-lost teddy bear. Loc grabs Kung-Fu Chad and tosses him into his car. Loc rushes him to the hospital, and waits patiently in the waiting room for Huey Lewis and the News. After five hours, the doctor comes out of the operating room. He tells Loc that Kung-Fu Chad died on the operating table. Loc bursts into treats, and heads off to plan the funeral. Loc has Kung-Fu Chad cremated, and spreads his ashes in the local WAL*MART, as Kung-Fu Chad loved their selection of low-priced arsenic. Loc smiles, a single tear streaming down his cheek. His master can finally be at peace. Then Michelle pops out from underneath the watermelons, and is like "take me home".

Mission 064: The Game - Contact: Kung-Fu Chad - Reward: Respect +
Kung-Fu Chad tells Loc to go see Lesley, to whom he owes a favour for letting him use his comb. Loc goes to Lesley's house and Lesley invites him in. Lesley explains that he lost the Temple of Evil in a hand of poker against the Prince of Wales. Loc and Lesley head over to the Temple of Evil to find it infested with Welshies! "they they aren't even doing anything evil!!! they're just comtemplating an embarassing snapshot of spongebob from the christmas party!!!" Loc runs to Fyllour's house and asks if he has any ideas. Fyllour tells Loc to gather ingredients for a potion to seperate the temple and the Welshies. Loc goes to Harlequin Foetus Mart and asks if they have any harlequin foetus pogo sticks. The guy's like "yeah in the back". He leads Loc into the back, where Loc is ambushed by Welshies! "rats" Loc slaughters the Welshies and claims his prize. Loc holds Marti N in his arms. "loc i" "shhh conserve your strength" "loc i love..." "..." "... margaret" Marti N goes limp in Loc's arms. Loc tosses Marti N aside and grabs the harlequin foetus pogo stick from underneath his corpse. Loc then simply walks into Mordor. After a few steps, Boromir appears in front of Loc! "dude wtf" "wat" "dude you can't do that!!!" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc gasps and realises the error of his ways. Loc teleports out of Mordor and hops into CJ's dodo. Loc then jumps out of the plane and must parachute into the centre of the marker for more points! However, Loc lands on Thom Yorke! "hello" "hello" Thom Yorke and Loc then FIGHT TO THE DEATH Loc heads back to Fyllour's and gives him the blue eraser and the glass of milk. Fyllour's then like "i need you to distract the prince of wales can't tell why". Loc streaks through the Temple of Evil while Fyllour flies a plane into the Temple of Evil! The Temple of Evil collapses to the ground, crushing everyone inside in the rubble. Blood and dust permiate the area. All is silent. Lesley walks up to Loc and is like "good job". The two then eat a steak cooked in the sacrificial fire. Michelle then crawls out of the sacrificial pits, bruised and burned, and says "take me home".

Mission 065: The Exiled Prince - Contact: Reynieerre - Reward: Respect +
Loc wakes up in the middle of the night, a cold chill running down his spine. Loc sits upright, drenched in sweat. A dark-hooded figure is standing at the foot of Loc's bed. "hello" "hello" "in order to run this strip mine you need to purchase PREMIUM CONTENT" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc vaults out the window into CJ's Dodo and revs up the engine. Gilbert Gottfried pops out of the back seat. "hello" "hello" "I KNOW YOUR PLAN LOC THE PREMIUM CONTENT SHALL BE MINE" "NO U" "NO ME" Gilbert Gottfried tackles Loc onto the wing of the plane. The two punch eachother several times using on-screen triggers. Loc picks Gilbert Gottfried up and chucks him off the plane, a single tear streaming down his face. Gilbert Gottfried looks back at Loc one final time, a single tear streaming down his cheek, before getting caught in the plane's propeller. Chunks of Gilbert Gottfried cover the Dodo and Loc. Loc had done it. Loc killed his high school maths teacher; he was no longer a child. However, since no one is actually flying the plane, it plummets towards Earth rather violently. Oops. Loc crawls on his arm and legs out of the wreckage. One arm torn off, fingers melting on the other. His femur is sticking out of his left leg, making moving his leg extremely painful. Loc's hair is mostly burned off, and one of his eyes is punctured by a pipe, one collapse onto it would puncture his brain, killing him instantly. The thought of ending it all crosses Loc's mind more than once, but Loc resolves to get across the street to Asda. Loc strolls into the store and sees Gilbert Gottfried! "OMG GILBERT GOTTFRIED CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH" "i don't see why not" Gilbert Gottfried signs Loc's football and goes on his merry way. Loc grabs the premium content, then casually teleports to the strip mine. "hello" "hello" Loc gives Reynieerre the premium content, then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 066: The Bone Pit - Contact: Reynieerre - Reward: Respect +, $4,000 spawns at the strip mine daily
Loc wakes up in the middle of the night, a cold chill running down his spine. Loc sits upright, drenched in sweat. A dark-hooded figure is standing at the foot of Loc's bed. "hello" "hello" "in order to run this strip mine you need to FIND WORKERS" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc vaults out the window into Fyllour's pick-up truck and revs up the engine. Fyllour pops out of the back seat. "hello" "hello" Loc drives Fyllour's sports car to Mount Chilliad. All of a sudden, a bunch of dragons appear!!! "not again!!!" Fyllour hops into the driver's seat of his box truck, while Loc shoots at the dragons with his bare hands. The two make it to the top, and see the high dragon! The high dragon lights the rim of the mountain on fire with its mighty fire breath. Loc hops out of Fyllour's minivan and readies his bow. The high dragon crushes Fyllour's sedan with her tail. Loc rushes over to see Fyllour lying inside the wreckage of his tow truck. "fyllour i" Fyllour puts his finger to Loc's lips. "loc just know that i always loved you" "rofl thats gay man" Fyllour lies on the ground, lifeless. Loc draws his sword and charges at the high dragon. "hello" "hello" "can you invade the san fierro mines LOL" "sure why not LMFAO" The high dragon heads to one side of the mine, and Loc gives the signal. Fyllour drops his newly-invented Net of Capturing Workers Scared by the High Dragon in Order to Conscript Them to Our Own Mine at the exit. "hello" The workers run into the Net of Capturing Workers Scared by the High Dragon in Order to Conscript Them to Our Own Mine, fearing the high dragon's polite greeting. Loc hops into the sky crane and transports the workers to his own mine while avoiding the Prince of Wales, who is following Loc in a speedboat, glaring at him menacingly. Loc drops all the workers onto Reynieerre. Michelle pops out of the back seat and is like "take me home".

Mission 067: PATROLLING THE MOJAVE ALMOST MAKES YOU WISH FOR A NUCLEAR WINTER - Contact: Reynieerre - Reward: Respect +
Loc wakes up in the middle of the night, a cold chill running down his spine. Loc sits upright, drenched in sweat. A dark-hooded figure is standing at the foot of Loc's bed. "hello" "hello" "i sold the workers to buy food for me" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc vaults out the window into The Sweet's ship and revs up the engine. The Prince of Wales pops out of the back seat. "hello" "hello" Loc docks in Port Mojavis and heads for the tavern, when the Prince of Wales steals his boat! Loc curses his luck, and wanders aimlessly through the Mojave Desert. Loc trips, and finds a small metal plate. Loc dusts off the plate and reads the inscription, which says "The Game". Loc collapses from exhaustion and wakes up in a Mojavian jail cell. Guardsman Donnic enters the room wearing nothing but socks and sandals. "hey can i leave LMFAO" "first you must defeat me in a bake-off ROFL" Loc sweats, as his many years of training in the art of baking will finally be put the test. A single tear streams down Loc's cheek as he fondly looks back on the times he shared with his baking mentor, The Prince of Wales. Guardsman Donnic and Loc put on their chef hats. Loc must then use the Official San Andreas Chronicles EZ-Bake Oven (sold seperately [batteries not included]) to earn exactly three points in the baking mini-game. Afterward, Guardsman Donnic staggers back, in awe of Loc's power. Guardsman Donnic slips into the pit of bubblegum, but grabs the ledge just in time. Loc must then decide whether or not to save Guardsman Donnic. If Loc does not save Guardsman Donnic, he falls into the pit of bubblegum and gets impaled on a stick of Juicy Fruit. Loc grabs Guardsman Donnic's chef hat, which gives him infinite sex appeal, causing the Imperial Guards to get butthurt and Loc must fight a battalion of Imperial Guards. After Loc escapes, Loc passionately kisses himself under the moonlight, then Michelle's like "take me home". If Loc saves Guardsman Donnic, he thanks Loc, grabs a novelty boxing glove and helps him escape, causing the Imperial Guards to get butthurt and Loc must fight a battalion of Imperial Guards. After the two escape, the two passionately kiss under the moonlight, then Michelle's like "take me home".

Mission 068: The Artefact - Contact: Reynieerre - Reward: Respect +, Contact: Resistance Leadour
Loc wakes up in the middle of the night, a cold chill running down his spine. Loc sits upright, drenched in sweat. A dark-hooded figure is standing at the foot of Loc's bed. "hello" "hello" "go get the artefact for me bro" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc vaults out the window into David Hasselhoff's car and revs up the engine. Resistance Leadour pops out of the back seat. "hello" "hello" "help me defeat baron praxis" "only if you help me retrieve the artefact" Resistance Leadour sweats and ponders the request before licking her lips. "sure why not" Loc kicks it in the front seat while Resistance Leadour sits in the back seat, when suddenly The Prince of Wales ramps over the car on his pimped-out segway, with Benjamin tied to the wheel of the segway with a rope. "shit" The two vehicles engage in a heated pursuit through all of San Andreas. The Prince of Wales pulls out a karabinek wzór 1988 Tantal 5.45mm assault rifle and begins shooting David Hasselhoff's car. "fuck" Loc weaves in and out of traffic while avoiding the Prince of Wales' gunfire. The Prince of Wales switches lanes into the unfinished bridge to the desert. "we can't make the jump we have to turn around!!!" A single tear streams down Loc's cheek. "i have to do this... for ryan seacrest" Loc steps on gas and wipes a single tear away from his cheek. "let's go" Loc ramps over the raging sea below him, tapirs mooing for Loc's blood. Resistance Leadour falls out of the back of David Hasselhoff's car and grabs the back of the car with one hand. Loc turns to see the love of his life about to fall to her death. He begins to rush towards her, when Resistance Leadour stops him. "if you step off the gas, we'll both fall into the raging sea beneath us, victim to the blood-thirsty tapirs; let me go and continue searching for the artefact" "i love you" "i love you too, loc" Resistance Leadour falls into the raging sea and is torn limb from limb by the bloodthirsty tapirs. A single tear streams down Loc's cheek, and Loc grips the steering wheel with newfound resolve, determined to rescue Benjamin. Loc lands safely on the other side of the bridge to find the Prince of Wales lying underneath his crushed segway, bones completely shattered. Loc hops out of David Hasselhoff's car and rushes to the Prince of Wales' side. "loc remember what i taught you; death is not an end, but it is a new beginning" A single tear streams down Loc's cheek, falling onto the Prince of Wales' cheek to begin the streaming process anew. "master i" "shh just remember who you are" The Prince of Wales loses all conciousness. Loc shuts the Prince of Wales' eyes and sets off with newfound resolve to find the artefact. "how will i ever find the artefact in this godforsake-oh there it is" Loc grabs the artefact and stares off into the distance. "my love i did this for you; i never gave up even when the road was hard; your sacrifice all those years ago was not in vain for i have found what you've been searching for all your life; i know you are as relieved as i am, as you are always watching over me and i will forever feel your love in my heart until the end of time" "ROFL thats gay man" "NO U" "NO ME" Loc and Resistance Leadour walk back to Reynieerre's stip mine and give him the artefact. "what is this" Then Michelle's like "take me home".